"Hmmm..." thought ZC-Infinity, looking at the calendar. "It appears as though this week is the week I need to feature another one of my Plug n Play games." ZC-Infinity got up from out of his chair and walked over to the box wherein he kept his Plug n Play consoles. After much digging and speculation on what he, a man of very little time and patience, should remind the Earth once existed in the world of gaming at some point, he finally came across something he could use. "Ah." ZC-Infinity softly exclaimed, as he pulled the console from underneath the pile of other games. "This will do nicely." As he began to walk away with his item-of-the-week, he glanced back down into the box he kept the games in. "...What's this?" ZC-Infinity asked himself, reaching back into the box. "...Why, it's ANOTHER console I can feature this week!" He pulled the console out and walked back to his room, taking both consoles with him, one in each hand. Once he had walked back to his room, he placed the consoles down on the table next to him. Then, satisfied that he had found a suitable subject to type about to his legions of fans("What? It's a romanticized narration." interrupted ZC-Infinity. "I can embellish the truth a bit."), he sat down at his flat-screen laptop and typed out "Today, we're taking a look at the two Thomas the Tank Engine Plug n Play Games! ...Also, to whoever's narrating my life: You're not getting paid!" ...And thus did the narrator call ZC-Infinity a cheap, insolent twit, and leave forever!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Name: Thomas & Friends: Right on Time
Distributor: Jakks Pacific
Release Date: 2006
Genre: Educational(?)
Despite the opening's overblown narration, I know next to nothing about the Thomas the Tank Engine/Thomas & Friends franchise. I've NEVER seen a full episode of the show, and, even as a kid, it just bored me whenever it was on. I remember SOME elements(the Jukebox Band, a few character names, and George Carlin as the narrator/conductor[yes, REALLY!]), but I never understood the appeal of what basically amounted to somebody narrating over a movie they made with their wooden train set toys, with the only "animation" involved making their eyes move and switching their facial expressions between shots.
It's yet another long-running British show that tries to take a mundane blue-collar job and make an adventure out of it. Along with Bob the Builder, Postman Pat, and Fireman Sam, the UK seems intent on brainwashing kids into thinking that jobs nobody wants are some of the coolest professions they could get! ...I guess I can appreciate that, try to make the boring and low-paying jobs seem glamorous, but it's crazy how popular these franchises based on practically nothing have become!
...Though I guess I'll take any of their shows over Doc McStuffins....
While I'm not a fan of Thomas & Friends, I can still appreciate its legacy. It began as a book titled The Three Railway Engines back in 1945, written by Wilbert Vere Awdry, based on stories he told his children when they were sick. It was quite popular, and, over the next few decades, Awdry would write dozens of other stories collectively known as "The Railway Series". When he stopped writing in the 70s, his son Christopher then took over, releasing new stories based on both the original "Railway Series" and the Thomas & Friends incarnation as recently as 2011! Much like classic Winnie the Pooh, this is a book series that has the potential to last for a long time, thanks to its magical, whimsical, and sometimes dark nature, and timeless characters! ...If you're into these types of stories, anyway.
Also like Winnie the Pooh, the series has seen a LOT of different incarnations and merchandise over the decades, particularly centered around a character introduced in the second book who has since become the mascot of the franchise as a whole: Thomas The Tank Engine. Starting in the mid-50s with cardboard cutout kits of the characters, the series has also seen Meccano, Lego, Mega Bloks, audiobooks, amusement park rides, and even a line of collectable miniatures, mostly found in blind bag form.
But it's most well known for the various licensed wooden and die-cast trains and train sets, particularly the Thomas Wooden Railway manufactured since 1992. ...And, I'll be honest, even though I was never into the series, I REALLY wanted one of these sets as a kid! I was jealous of any friend who had a large amount of these, and I remember having a blast building new tracks, rolling the trains around, just treating it like a general railroad playset! ...I'm not as nostalgic for it now as I was, and there's no way I could fit any of it into the cramped space known as my trailer, but I had some good times with it, as I'm sure a good number of us had.
...And probably still do, given the amount of YouTube channels that use them!
Also, Andrew Lloyd Webber's Starlight Express was originally going to be a "Railway Series" musical. ...Just let that sink in for a bit...
While the books and toys have seen a large amount of popularity since the series began, a lot of us are probably most familiar with the Thomas The Tank Engine/Thomas & Friends TV show, which began nearly 40 years after the first book! You'd think that "The Railway Series" would have had a TV/movie series long before then, but, after a disastrous live show in 1953, interest was almost instantly snuffed out and a revival wouldn't be seen for several decades. Thankfully, in 1979, producer Britt Allcroft took an interest in developing another show based around the series, and, by 1984, finally raised enough money and talent to put it into production! Thomas The Tank Engine & Friends, as it was originally titled, was a surprise success, with over 50 episodes being produced over the next seven years, Ringo Starr, of the Beatles, narrating the majority of them. And while the first series was nearly 35 years ago, it became the foundation for not only the rest of the series, but the franchise in general, with designs and locations still being used to this day.
The version we Americans got was rebundled from 1989 to 1993 into another show: Shining Time Station. This took place in an unrelated train station somewhere in the USA, where the original Thomas The Tank Engine & Friends segments were used as the "main feature", sandwiched between new footage from the Jukebox Band puppets, the Anything Tunnel(aptly named because the clips it showed could be from and about anything), and live-action actors acting out the story that ties in with the moral-of-the-day. This version was also a huge hit, being critically acclaimed and pulling in millions of viewers a week. Ringo Starr even returned to appear as the newly introduced "Mr. Conductor" character for the first season, before being replaced by George Carlin for the rest of the show. The Thomas & Friends franchise was proving to be a huge hit with both American and European audiences!
In fact, in 2000, Thomas got his theatrical debut in Thomas And The Magic Railroad, which attempted to combine the British and American versions of the show! ...And, as someone who has seen it, you're not missing anything. It's basically an extended short, with Peter Fonda, Mara Wilson, Alec Baldwin, and the now-grown actors from Shining Time Station taking up more screen time than Thomas and friends(though series creator Britt Allcroft does get to voice the eponymous "magical train"), and the production values being more fitting for the low budget series than a theatrical movie! ...And I'm not alone in that judgement, since it flopped HARD with critics and audience. So much so, that, similarly to how the original botched broadcast killed any chance for another Thomas the Tank Engine show for decades, there are NO plans for another Thomas movie in anyone's lifetime! ...What a way to come full circle...
Though I think we can agree that the scariest part of the movie was Alec Baldwin. ...I know that he redubbed a few series of the show, but Alec Baldwin in a conductor outfit acting friendly and whimsical and chanting "Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle" is one of the most terrifying things Hollywood's ever produced! ...His role as The Boss Baby is a step up...
Still, the movie didn't kill the series. If anything, it's going stronger than ever, after they finally found a consistent yearly production schedule in 2002. There have been multiple moves from studio to studio, production values and writing quality have fluctuated, and the series even gave up on its traditional model work entirely in 2009, becoming fully CGI, but it still seems to be going strong. It looks like something that's not going to die off anytime soon, and, with how influential and entertaining it's been for young kids over the last 7 decades, it has no reason to stop for quite a while! If you're into this series, more power to you! ...Just let me off at the next station, please. I'm missing Stranger Things...
With the popularity of the show, it's no surprise that it's become what most merchandise of "The Railway Series" is based off of. Including a surprising amount of video games! There have been games for the Genesis/Mega Drive, SNES, PC, Game Boy Color, PlayStation 2
And a few Plug n Play games. Two, to be exact(not counting the Telestory cartridge), which I have right here. And, since there's not much to either of them, and I don't want to talk about Thomas The Tank Engine again, let's have another double feature!
Starting with the most elaborate console. You can tell that a LOT of work went into building this game(more work than the game itself, but we'll talk about that in a sec)! It looks almost just like Thomas the Tank Engine! Coloring, wheels, windows, smokestack, it's all here, and it's done very professionally!
...Though they apparently had to squish this Thomas, since I don't remember his head being THIS close to the tracks. ...Explains why he doesn't have a chin...
Also... That face! ...It looks like he looked down and saw a $100 bill, but he's about to change expressions because it just blew away... AKA: The expression he wears in the show 89% of the time, anyway...
For this console, the joystick is Thomas' tall smokestack with a cloud of smoke billowing out of it, with a single button with The Fat Controller/Sir Toppum Hat's namesake engraved in it. The top of the joystick is pretty bumpy and uncomfortable after a long period of time, but it works.
However, as with most consoles I feature, it's clearly designed for smaller hands. When I was playing, the top of my pinky kept rubbing against the side of the black top, which is surprisingly sharp! Not sharp enough to do any lasting damage, but enough that I noticed every time I pushed the joystick forward, and enough that it made playing the game even more irritating! So, if you're over 20 and you, for some insane reason, want to play this game, sand down the edges first...
One final thing to bring up is that behind the joystick, there's a small, rubbery lump that makes up Thomas' dome. I understand why it's here, to complete the cosmetics of Thomas' build, but why is it rubbery? Usually, something rubbery on a controller suggests it's another button or control stick, or that it's covering up something important. However, it doesn't come off and pushing it does nothing, so I have NO idea why they built it like this! ...Though I guess pressing against it does provide for some good stress relief. Which I needed during this game...
This is another Jakks Pacific & HotGen collaboration, who I've talked about several times in the past, so let's move on.
There's also a logo for HiT Entertainment, who produced Thomas & Friends from 2003-2016, before it was acquired by Mattel. They didn't have anything to do with the making of this game, so let's just skip them too.
The game starts with a title screen of a digitized stock shot of the show, accompanied by the title of the game, "Right On Time", and a pretty good rendition of the theme! It's the theme used from Season 7 onward, specifically the instrumental-only version used during the time this game was produced, and I honestly can't tell if it's a MIDI or an actual piano and drums! It's slightly mellower than the actual show's version, with the drums not being as prominent, but, despite me not even knowing about this version of the theme until today, I had a hard time telling the difference! It's not as memorable as some of the other renditions we've seen on this blog, but I'm still comfortable with placing it alongside Bob the Builder and The Price is Right as some of the best theme recreations for a Plug n Play game! ...And, I hope you enjoyed the theme, as the rest of the game's music is nowhere near as good...
The game gives you three save slots to choose from. Just in case there are three people in your house who have literally no other electronics with higher entertainment potential. ...Like a calculator?
When you begin a new game, you're greeted by The Fat Controller/Sir Toppum Hat, who welcomes you to the Island of Sodor, where the series takes place, and tells you that the island is preparing for a celebration! ...Which, even though it's in your honor, you still need to make preparations for, while keeping the island running, while everyone else sits around and tells you what to do! ...Because it's not a video game if you're the only one in the world capable of tying your shoes! ...Even if you're controlling a character that doesn't have feet!
I don't have much good to say about this game, so let me get one good thing out now: The fully-voiced dialog! This is another console made for a young audience who likely can't quite read yet, so assignments are verbally given and all text is read to the player. Like other consoles, it's heavily compressed and almost unintelligible in some places, but I'm ALWAYS blown away when Plug n Play games incorporate spoken dialog, and this is probably the first instance we've seen since My Little Pony: Grand Puzzleventure where all dialog is spoken! ...It's not as impressive, but it's there!
The voice work was done by Robin Smith, who was hired for most Thomas & Friends projects outside of the show during the Alec Baldwin run, since he has a similar register to the A-list actor. He's not officially listed as a Thomas & Friends voice actor, but his work on the series is pretty extensive. Not only has he narrated all Thomas video games, but most bonus features on the DVDs, some audio books, and a few of the Talking Railway toys, so he has a lot of Thomas on his resume. There's not much else to say other than he sounds great, and he brings an aura of dignity to an otherwise shallow game. Also, he's the only voice in the entire game, so even if you don't like how he sounds, you'd better get used to him...
I should also point out that I got this from the Plug n Play TV Games Wiki article on the game, and WOW, is there a lot of information! This is possibly the most comprehensive article I've ever seen for ANY Plug n Play game! Not only does it detail the plot, setting, and minigames, but gives all the locations, where certain assets where taken from, who each character is, goofs and differences between the game's character depictions and the series', and even rumored unused footage! The time and attention put into this article is AMAZING, and I'm surprised somebody else even played this game, let alone long enough to compare and contrast it with the TV show! To the person(s) who created and added to this page, your hard work and dedication has not gone unnoticed! ...Of course, why you chose THIS to dedicate so much time and energy toward will forever remain a mystery.
After welcoming you to the island, The Fat Controller gives you your first
You take control of your current train, Thomas to start out with, as you ride the rails towards your mission's destination, helpfully pointed out by both an arrow in the top-right corner and by dots on the mini map in the bottom-right. Being a train, you're restricted to the tracks, represented by the black lines on the map, so the only way to get to your destination is by navigating the maze of tracks to where you need to be. For the most part, it's straightforward, but, at times, figuring out which track leads where can be an unneeded hassle...
Especially in the upper-left part of the island, where you can very easily pass the tracks that lead to that portion. It's even worse when you're playing this on a 44" UHD TV, where the black lines are almost nonexistent! So if it looks like I'm stumbling around the map in the video, looking for things that should be right in front of me, it's because modern TV screens make following the map harder than just going out and finding the things on your own! ...That's not a knock against the game, since they couldn't have known what TVs we would have today, but it is an annoyance to prepare yourself for if you decide to play this.
Since the characters are on rails, the controls are extremely simple. Thomas, etc. will chug forward when given a push in one direction, automatically going around curves and picking up items in the way. The only major time you'll need to make corrections is when the train approaches a fork and you'll need to push the stick in the right direction.
Also, when you take a wrong turn or miss the tracks, you can turn around by holding down the joystick in the opposite direction. The train will simply stop, rotate 180 degrees, and go the other way! ...You know. As trains do!
It gets even more hilarious when you're hauling cargo cars behind you. The train just teleports to the other side of the cars and continues on as usual! I guess the trains in this version have access to Mr. Conductor's magical teleporting golden dust! ...Which makes you wonder. If this land has material that instantly teleports whatever it affects somewhere else, why do they even have trains?! They should be as obsolete as the horse and buggy!
...And, seeing as how this little island has a large population of trains that are still powered by coal, I think that, realistically, the island of Sodor's air quality would give the land of Mordor a run for its money...
The only major annoyance you're going to have is when take a wrong turn on a fork, you're carrying cars behind you, and you need to change direction. If you're still on a curve when you try to back up and turn around, you'll be teleported back to the curve you DIDN'T want to be on! You need to back up far enough that all cars are on a straight line and you have enough space to teleport to the other side before you hit the curves again, THEN change direction! It takes an unnecessarily long time to correct, and you'll find yourself doing this a LOT! And THIS is the feature the game decided to keep realistic! ...Suddenly, watching trains with no facial movements chatter for two minutes about how bright and sunny the day is doesn't sound as boring...
Otherwise, it's very simple to control the trains. Just push them in direction they need to go from time to time and the game will do the rest for you! The only other thing you can do is press the button, which sounds the train's whistle. Apparently, it's different across each train, but you're still just getting a second of a monotone whistle that doesn't serve any purpose in the game other than to annoy your parents who are sitting on the couch, trying to talk on the phone while you're playing what they thought was an educational game. Still, I guess this is a good time to honk out the theme to Super Mario Bros, so you can practice for when you're stuck in rush hour.
Despite the illusion it's an open-world, mission-based game similar to a simplified and kid-friendly Grand Theft Auto, it's actually a carefully disguised set of minigames. When you start, Sir Toppum Hat gives you a minigame. Once that's complete, you get another one to complete. And so on and so forth. I was going to list them all here, but since they're so simple and there's barely any difference between them, I think it would be better just to skip to showing you.
Balloon Collecting. You drive to the various stations and collect balloons. ...Thrilling...
Delivering Passengers. You pick up passenger cars at one station, then take them to another station. ...That's it. You never save them from Wild West-style bandits or mystical snakes, you just take them from one place to another. It's even less exciting than the real life equivalent...
Present Collecting. The EXACT same thing as Balloon Collecting, only now you're collecting presents! ...And no, you never get to open them. Seeing as how this is a British show, they're probably filled with Boxing Day Christmas overstock, but even THAT would be fun to see at this point!
Delivering Freight Cars. Again, EXACTLY the same as Delivering Passengers, only you're delivering freight cars. Oh, but this one spices things up, as you need to find THREE cars, THEN take them to the station! Really pushing the envelope, guys!
Reprimanding Naughty Coal Trucks. Now we're getting into minigames that at least have more than one location. First, you drive to the Coal Shed, which is always located in the upper-right corner.
Then The Fat Controller tells you to take the Troublesome Trucks back to the shed and clean up the coal.
Then you do it! You find each car, and, one at a time, tow them back to the shed. It's just like Delivering Freight Cars, only with coal!
You don't even have to clean up the coal! Despite the counter at the bottom and Sir Toppum Hat explicitly telling you to collect the coal, there are NO rewards or repercussions to collecting every lump or not! You can just leave charcoal lying around the already messy Coal Shed, and Sir Toppum Hat will praise you for a job well done! On the one hand, I'm glad I didn't have to go through this insanely boring process every time I played. On the other hand, I'm wondering how The Fat Controller has kept his job if he's apparently a "nice boss" that never gives his employees any initiative... No wonder he hasn't been promoted despite 70 years of service...
Delivering Custom Orders. The second "multi-stage" game. First, you drive down to the Brendham Docks in the bottom-left corner.
Then Sir Toppum Hat tells you what to do.
And you do it! You need to pick up three items on the delivery list by moving the crane left and right and timing the hook to drop down on the item you need, which is then loaded onto the flat dock. If you get one wrong, you'll need to press the button again and wait for an empty space to appear for the crane to put the crate down in, then try again. ...However, considering this train is longer than the space between stars, there's no danger of running out of crates to pick from.
Sometimes, you'll even grab tickets(more on those later)! ...If you're super patient and want to wait for one to appear before you've grabbed everything for the order. ...Which you likely won't be...
To be fair, this is the ONLY minigame I can classify as somewhat educational. ...As well as a "game." Sure, it's a standard item recognition test that anyone over the age of 1 could figure out, but it's SOMETHING! It's also the only game that uses the button for something other than blowing the whistle, and the only game that's not centered around riding the tracks. It's still as boring as everything else in this game, but there's SOME variety here! Well done, programming team! I can tell that you've put more effort into this one than any other! You put a whole THREE minutes of work into this minigame! Probably only had time for a TWO martini lunch as a result! I appreciate what you had to give up to bring us this wonder! ...Now get back to work on the next Spongebob game!
Oh, but don't worry, they didn't forget to add their additional dose of tedium! After you've filled the order, you then have to deliver it, so it's right back to carrying the load to the assigned station! It's a good thing they kept this part in. The game would have felt empty without it...
Apprehending Diesel Trucks. This is one of the simpler games, so I probably should have mentioned it earlier, but this one's my favorite. The troublesome Diesel trucks are running around loose, so it's up to the trains to catch each one and turn them in. It's exactly like Delivering Freight Cars, where you simply run one over, hook it to your backside, and tow it to a shed. Where it'll probably get beaten mercilessly with a shovel behind said shed!
This one stands out from the others because it's a little different from the other fetch quests. Instead of going to certain stations to pick up cargo, you're chasing moving targets, represented by orange dots in motion on the minimap. As anyone who's bounty hunted in Red Dead Redemption can agree with, it's a more exhilarating feeling to track down and capture living targets in games, as you feel you're doing something more than just monotonous errands. "The thrill of the hunt" is what I would call it! ...If I was Zaroff from The Most Dangerous Game...
It's also a little thrilling that the engines are programmed to avoid you, so if you're on a frontal collision course, they'll stop, back up, and try to get the H out of there! ...I just love imagining what they're thinking right before you turn the corner.
"Heh heh. They thought they could get rid of me by sending me off the rails and into that junk boat? Well, I'll show those guys! They have no idea I'm back, so this is gonna be a piece of cake. I'm gonna remind those puffballs who's the boss around here!"
"I'm gonna shoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH CRAP!"
And then they're taken to the Engine Depot to think about what they've done. Maybe Alec Baldwin will come back later to sever their arteries again.
Seriously, that's what he does in the movie! In train anatomy, what else could that have been? More importantly, how was that not the end of him?! ...Shoulda used the sugar when you had the chance, Alec...
And those are all the things you can do on the island. ...Correction, those are the ONLY things you do on the island! The part about getting a new mission every time you complete a minigame? IT NEVER ENDS! The introduction at the beginning about how they're planning a party and you can help? IT NEVER STARTS! Literally the ENTIRE game is based solely around these 7 minigames, all given to you at random in some purgatorial scenario where you're tasked to do these tasks over and over again until the end of time itself!
At certain points, if you play long enough, Sir Fat Hat informs you that one of the other trains from the show has run out of fuel and needs to be rescued.
So you go rescue them, and they join your stable of characters. You can then switch between trains any time you go to the Menu.
In order, you'll find James
Percy
Emily
And Molly. And I hope you enjoy the slightly different cosmetics, because there's literally NO other difference between any of them! Every single one has the exact same speed and "abilities", so besides a different face and color, there's no point to playing as one character over another! They don't even speak! ...Ok, I guess they didn't technically originally speak in the show, either, but my point is that, in the long run, these "character retrieval missions" are utterly pointless to all but the most dedicated of fans who, for some reason, HAVE to play as one character over another!
Though if you do want to play as a different character, I'd recommend sticking with either Thomas or Percy. All the other trains permanently carry around additional cars that make turning around, going around corners, and carrying other cars from missions even more of a hassle! So there's your ONE difference between the trains. Some are easier to use than others...
It doesn't matter who you choose or how many trains you have at the Depot anyway. No matter who you're playing as, you're just going to be doing the same thing over
And over
And over
And over
And over
And over
And OVER! They're literally the same tasks, no matter which engine you choose to control! You're stuck in an endless loop of missions, forced to roam around this, admittedly beautiful, landscape!
For all my complaints, the landscape is surprisingly detailed and well painted. As you explore the island of Sodor, you'll find forests, hills, castles, farmland, windmills, fishing ships, and a lot more in this island-sized countryside and along the coasts! I don't know if the geography is a 1:1 conversion of the show, but it's very calming and nice to look at, especially since there's very little motion blur while chugging along the rails, allowing you to admire the detail without having to stop to get a better look! Nothing's to scale, of course, but that just adds to the illusion that these are all miniatures, just like in the show. It's a line between reality and fantasy that really brings an aura of whimsy if done right, and that's what the world looks like in this game!
...Of course, then you realize that it's a very EMPTY beautiful world. Besides the train you're currently driving, and outside of mission-specific items, there are no other characters or animations across the entire landscape! You never meet any other trains, there are no sudden obstacles, there are no background movements from other vehicles or machinery, even things as common as birds flying in the sky or clouds billowing by are surprisingly absent! It's just you, a wide open world of nothing, and your thoughts, as you do the same things over and over again. ...At least until your lack of social interaction finally completely depletes your sanity, and you let out a scream of fear, agony, and heart-wrenching misery that can be heard across the entirety of this wilderness, before you then regress to the fetal position and weep softly. And thus did Thomas & Friends claim another life so full of hope and promise... BUY OUR TOYS, KIDS!
With the missions on a never ending loop and the party only a phony promise from a stovepipe hat-wearing corrupted official, is there ANY progression to this game at all, besides the character cosmetics? The answer to that is... Yes! ...Sort of. The game features "Useful Tokens" that are awarded to characters for certain deeds. Every character starts with one, and must earn more by working around the island.
Every couple missions(two to start with, then the number seems to become random), you receive a new token, symbolized by the tokens in the bottom left of the screen flashing softly.
Keep going, and eventually, you'll arrive at a maximum of six tokens! ...And that's it! There's literally no other use for them! You don't spend them anywhere, they don't upgrade your train in any way, there's no high score table, and they don't get you into the party! They're just there for show!
They have the same value as an actual token. ...For Discovery Zone! ...Anyone else remember going here as a kid? ...Before they closed in 1999? ...I'm old...
And then, for completion's sake, you go back and max out the tokens for all the other characters! For no other reason than you're a guy with a blog with nothing better to do than talk about Plug n Play games nobody else will ever play and you see the goal as a desperate attempt to find something, ANYTHING, else that might trigger something else happening in this bland, unwinnable game! ...Or you just enjoy this game that much. ...Guess we can't rule out that possibility...
And that's it! That's the entire game! ...Or is it? This game may have originally been intended to have more content than shown, and nothing suggests that more than the power ups you sometimes come across imprisoned in bubbles. This brown thing I can't quite make out grants you Super Speed for a short time, letting you whiz around the island at double speed. While it helps stave off boredom, there's no point to it. There's no time limit, so why would you need a power up that makes you go faster?
Even more mysterious is this clock pickup, which grants you "Extra Time." Again, in a game with no time limit.
The only pickups that serve any point are these "Useful Tickets." If you collect 30 of them, you'll receive a "Useful Token", provided you haven't already maxed out the count. ...Besides that, everything you pick up seems to be based around a time limit that doesn't exist in the game!
...Or does it? At one point during a mission, text popped up informing me that I had "Two Minutes Left." ...Two minutes left of what? To complete the mission? To play the game? To grab a certain object? I have NO idea! Nothing ever happened two minutes later or any time after, and I only saw this message once!
At the end of the game, I even went back, did a mission, and intentionally stopped for a good 4 minutes! I never saw the message, and when I completed the mission, The Toppum Controller congratulated me as usual. Maybe there was a glitch in the system and it displayed unused text from an unfinished feature? Maybe they were going to implement a time limit to missions, but never did, and they never bothered removing the power ups that would have come in handy? Or maybe I'm just missing something major, since I bought this game used and I don't have a copy of the manual explaining what's actually going on? If it's the final one, now's your chance to find an unopened copy and prove how much better than me you are! ...Not that that's a challenge...
...Of course, I have my own theory about what's really going on. At the beginning of the game, the player is welcomed to the island of Sodor by The Fat Controller/Sir Toppum Hat, and promised a party if they help around the island. In other words, they're lured to the island with the promise of a reward if they help out.
However, Sir Toppum Hat never lets the player know when the party will start, nor what needs to be done for the party to get ready. ...Because there never was going to be a party. From the first minute, this was all a plot to trap players on this island and have them blindly and blissfully perform slave labor. They don't know it at first, since they're still thinking about the party, and wondering just how massive it'll be with all the work they're doing to prepare for it. ...When they're just performing regular tasks on the island that The Fat Controller has disguised as party preparations...
After a while, the player has completed all available tasks given to them by Sir Toppum Hat at least once. ... But they don't know that. You see, The Fat Controller is clever, and doesn't give them a schedule. Instead, he randomly assigns them work, so they're never quite sure if they've completed all their work or not. They could end up doing the same job several times, only to then be handed a new task. Suddenly, any fatigue they had from doing the same job over and over again is gone, as they're happy to be given a new task. If the player is focused on the joy of a new task instead of how many tasks they've done or how many they're expected to do, then they can be kept working for a good, long while, as their will breaks down and they forget why they came to the island in the first place. Exactly what Sir Toppum Hat wants...
But being given new work to alleviate boredom isn't enough. Some sign of progression must also be given so the player won't eventually think their work is leading to nothing. That's why The Fat Controller implemented the Useful Tokens, to randomly reward players for doing a job, giving them an increasing bank that makes them feel rich. The coins eventually stop, but they were given out so infrequently, the player had no pattern to follow to begin with, so they're left unsure if their token collection has ceased, or if they simply have to work harder to earn another token...
But even that's not enough, as even the most steadfast worker can realize they're not getting paid after a while. So Sir Toppum Hat makes their work larger and more complicated. He brings out the other trains, one at a time, giving the player the impression that to find each engine is also part of the preparation for the party. Once found, they become a white elephant gift, in an almost literal interpretation of the phrase. They do nothing different from the previous trains, yet they're also given to the player to use in their work, and they must also be awarded tokens. Each one can only hold six, but driving them around the island, completing repetitive tasks to eventually give them all six will take the player quite a while. ...And it's this while that's all The Fat Controller needs to seal the player's fate.
Every time the player completes a mission and does a job, Sir Toppum Hat never actually thanks them for their work. He never says "Thank You", or gives any other indication that the player is learning and growing, and that they couldn't have done the task without them. Instead, he simply says "Keep up the good work" and "You're making yourself very useful." He intentionally steers away from emotional thanks and praise, because he doesn't want the player to think of themselves as an individual... But just as another cog in the machine, who exists solely to serve the island for as long as they are "useful."
This brainwashing continues even during missions. The player is constantly kept on the lookout for power ups that speed up their progress, or the grant them "Extra Time", which, in the long run, accomplish nothing. The Fat Controller intentionally doesn't keep a time schedule, because he wants the player to willingly give up their individuality by finding these items and repeatedly completing these jobs, slowly breaking them. The player is even told to find "Useful Tickets", which will eventually grant them more "Useful Tokens", further embedding that word into their head until it remains as part of their subconscious, influencing their emotions and manipulating their actions.
By the time the player has completed everything there is to do in the game, with still no sign of the promised party or any end to their labor, it's too late. Sir Toppum Hat's brainwashing is complete, and the player is now inducted into the tyrannical ranks of Sodor. They are now perfectly happy repeating the same tasks over and over again, with no thought of purpose or reward. Any thought of the promised party has been purged from their minds, their happiness and well being now reliant on proving how useful they are to those in charge. They have no individuality, no creative thought, no wish to leave the island they originally came to for entertainment. They are the trains, the trains are them, and, until they've outlived their usefulness and are thrown in the scrapyard with no commendation for their life's work, they will continue to serve the totalitarian regime that is Thomas & Friends!
... Or until they turn the game off and do something better with their lives. ...Which is the more likely scenario, come to think of it...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Design: I gotta admit, despite the game's problems, the console looks really good! It looks just like Thomas the Tank Engine, with his face, his blue coloring, his smokestack, even the narrow coal slot on the back(which I'm assuming is the engine's stash, since I don't know how you get the coal out of there for delivery.) I'm impressed with how the stick and most of the buttons fit in with the design, with the Menu and On/Off buttons being his front bumpers, and the smokestack functioning as a joystick. I guess I could have an issue with the button not originally being a part of Thomas, but I don't know what they could have replaced with a button and still kept the console easy to hold, so I'll give them a pass. In fact, I can give them a pass with the other issues I've pointed out. It's obviously squished, with the head being dangerously close to the rails, but the console would be too cumbersome to hold, otherwise. The tires don't move, but I wasn't expecting mobility on a game console. The face looks weird and skewed, but the show already has characters with facial features from the uncanny valley, so they're just being true to the show. I kept scraping my finger against the sharp edges of the train top while playing, but I'm not the target audience, so it's like complaining a 30" pair of jeans don't fit me. With all that out of the way, I have nothing to complain about! It looks good, everything's in the right place, and you could use it as an actual Thomas the Tank Engine toy! ...Not with the Wood series, obviously. Unless you like your wooden tracks cracking under an oversized toy train...
Controls: It's virtually impossible to complain about the controls, since you're literally not even controlling the game half the time you're playing it! For nearly 90% of the game, the only input you'll ever have to put in is pressing and holding the joystick briefly to change tracks when you come to a fork. Sometimes, you'll have to stop and change direction, and sometimes, you may get a little aggravated trying to turn around on the curves, but since you're on the rails, the game does most of the movement for you! The button is only used to skip cutscenes, pick up crates at the docks, and toot your own horn, so, again, it's useless for 90% of the game! There's no fault with the controls, because you're not even using them!
Graphics: The graphics are beautiful, given what they had to work with. The trains look like trains, and, even from the game's overhead view, I can tell who's who and make out the small differences between each of their color schemes and faces. And, as I said before, I'm VERY impressed with how big and spacious the area looks! Castles, trees, water, boats, livestock, there's so much landscape to this game! Despite not knowing how it looks in the show, I legitimately feel like I'm traveling around the island of Sodor and visiting all these different stations! And the fact they kept most of it on one screen as opposed to having to constantly switch between screens is impressive, given the weak processor. ...Of course, like I said, it feels big, but also empty. Outside of the trucks you need to chase around for two different missions, you never interact with anyone or anything. There are no other trains on the tracks, no people wandering around, no characters making cameos, not even any animation besides the smoke and turning frames of the train you're currently driving. It feels lonely and apocalyptic, like the entire island evacuated right before you got there(or this is all part of Sir Toppum Hat's isolated environment to brainwash players.) They also took a shortcut and obviously used compressed stock artwork for the cutscenes and the dock section, but, as we've seen before, that's a common thing with Plug n Play consoles. Overall, as with the last Plug n Play game, it's very nice-looking! ...I just wish there was more of it...
Music & Sound: The MIDI they made of the show's theme is REALLY good, again making me wondering if it is a MIDI, or a highly compressed actual music file! I never heard the theme before now, but it's stuck in my head because of this game! But, it's a catchy tune, so I don't regret it. Besides the title theme, the game has 3 other tracks, one for each environment of the game(Outside, Coal Shed, and Docks.) I don't know if they're also conversions of music from the show, but they sound bright and cheery, and may be the only things keeping you going through how monotonous the game gets. I can't hum them, but I'd probably recognize them if they were played back to me. Sound-wise, I again have to give huge props to having a game with fully spoken dialog! It's only one guy doing one voice, but that's technically how it was with the show, anyway! There's no personality to it, and much of it is just shop talk, but I'm always glad when they record speech for something equivalent to an SNES cartridge from 1994. Especially when it's for a game meant for children who probably can't read yet. The sounds also sound quite good, though they're only used for where you'd expect sound. There's the chugging of the engines, the whistles, the sound of another car latching onto the engine, and sounds that fittingly emphasize power ups you collect(e.g. a clock ticking when you pick up "Extra Time"). Sounds are used when something actually happens to warrant them, meaning there's no ambiance or casual speech, making the world of Sodor seem even more empty and lonely... Overall, same comment as the graphics. Sounds great and avoids standard stock effects. ...It would have been nice to have some more of it...
Gameplay: And this is where the game falls flat on its face so hard, it carves a Looney Tunes-style profile hole out of the ground. All you do, ALL you do, is race around the island, performing randomly assigned errands for The Fat Controller, which all basically boil down to fetch quests! I'm not even going to bother recapping each game here, they're so similar! Every single mission involves you either finding enough of something, or taking something from Point A to Point B. Over. And over. And over. And OVER again! And for what? What is the end goal of the game? Sir Toppum Hat mentions a party when you first arrive, but you're never given any indication of when it'll start or what you need to do to make it start! You're just given the same seven repetitive minigames to tackle, with no end ever becoming apparent! Sometimes, you'll get a new engine that plays exactly the same as the previous one, and sometimes, you'll get another "Useful Token" that doesn't do anything and maxes out at six. Unless I'm missing something major that's only obvious if you've read the manual, that's the game! What's even stranger is that it feels like they were trying to put more in, but stopped somewhere and never removed the assets. The Extra Time power ups don't seem to do anything, and the "Two Minutes Left" warning never came to pass, so if there was an ending or some way to fail a mission, it never made it in. And, worst of all, despite what you'd expect a game meant for preschoolers to be, it's not educational! None of the games give even the slightest bit of edutainment value, and fail to teach even the basics(shape matching, counting, reading skills, animal and shape recognition, etc.) to the intended audience! The very MOST we get is at the docks, where you're told to match crates with what's on the list, but even that's just mindless repetition of an action! I wasn't expecting much from a Thomas & Friends Plug n Play game, but this even managed to slip below my low expectations! I never thought I'd come across a game that made me long for the standards of the Elmo's World console!
Replay Value: To have a replay value, the game must have some kind of stopping point, which this game lacks in all meanings of the term! Missions end only to be replaced by essentially the same mission, you never have your party, and there's no way to win or lose! You'll just play it until you're bored, then never again. Therefore, it's impossible to replay this, since you'll never have finished playing it to begin with!
Overall:
I wanted to give it half a joystick, or even a big fat ZERO, but the graphics and music push the score up a little bit. It's a very nice looking and sounding game, with some nice colors and sprites and a cheerful score, but there's NO GAME! You're just picking things up or taking them from Point A to Point B from now until Armageddon! It doesn't even feel finished! Most power ups serve no purpose, there's no end, and there's no educational or entertainment value! It's possibly the most BORING, POINTLESS game I've ever played! Even worse than the Sudoku consoles! I'd call it a train wreck, but that would imply it even made it off the assembly line before being scrapped! I can't even recommend it for its very young demographic, since there's nothing to keep their attention and it teaches them nothing! Parents, just ignore this game if you ever see it. You'll be saving money, and you'll be denying Fuehrer Fat Hat the opportunity to brainwash and induct your children into his regime!
No comments:
Post a Comment