...You know... just a bit of one... ...And it's one I can't quite explain... Maybe it's because I enjoy collecting "obscurities", things people often pass over or deem worthless that I challenge myself to find value in. Maybe it's a niche of gaming that I'm fascinated by, a sort of "poor man's console" that people dub as inferior for its low price and limitations compared to mainstream systems, but what I see as untapped potential and a world to explore barely touched by others. Maybe I like the unique designs and I'm curious about what type of game they could fit onto such a strangely-shaped console. Maybe it's all three, or maybe it's none of the above and it's just an obsessive-compulsive neurosis I unfortunately have. ...But that's neither here nor there.
For those who tend to stay away from games not on their precious PC, Xbox, or Playstation, here's a short history.
Handheld TV games, Plug n Play games, Plug & Play games, TV Arcades, Play TV, Dedicated Game Consoles, Complete Gaming Systems, whatever you call them(for the record, I prefer "Plug n Play"), have been around for quite a while, arguably since the earliest days of video games.
If we're going by the definition of a Plug n Play game as a "dedicated, portable game console that runs off batteries and plugs directly into a TV", then Pong Consoles, the earliest home game systems, are "Plug n Play" systems. They're dedicated to only run the built-in games, do not have the ability to add or swap games through cartridges, and are built to accommodate only that game or games. So pre-Atari, unless you count the Magnavox Odyssey, nearly all game systems were Plug n Play.
However, the more modern version of a Plug n Play console emerged in the 90s, mostly through unofficial emulators such as the TV Boy, pictured, which contained Atari games. Since it was a system that connected to the TV and only played the built-in games, they stood out from the more popular cartridge-based consoles of the time and began to comprise a niche market.
Around the early 2000s, several things happened that turned this niche market into... a slightly less niche market. First, computers that originally took up a large amount of space could easily fit on a chip, allowing for smaller and more powerful consoles. Second, TVs in cars became more popular and parents needed something to keep their kids quiet on long car rides, preferably something that could be played with muted volume and that wasn't the 12,000th watching of Shrek. Third, and most importantly, people who had grown up playing early game consoles felt nostalgic in a time of 3D polygons and online multiplayer and longed for a way to relive the days of the 2600, thus beginning the retro game movement that continues to this day. With the release of the Activision 10-in-1 in 2001, pictured, a bunch of other companies such as Jakks Pacific, HotGen, Radica, and AtGames began manufacturing their own consoles, mostly based around emulation, but eventually venturing into more original games, often focused around franchises like Disney and Nickelodeon.
From there, Plug n Play games have basically solidified themselves as cheap alternatives to more popular lines. With the popularity of wireless, motion-based consoles like the Wii, and in the heat of the controversy that video games led to obesity, Plug n Play games also took a step in that direction, offering discount alternatives and wireless control through built-in sensors.
When Guitar Hero became popular, stand alone guitar consoles emerged, such as the pictured Hannah Montana Pop Tour Guitar Game. ...Yes, this exists, and yes, we will cover it one day.
And today, with the Toys to Life craze, they've capitalized on that too.
But no matter what the craze or time period, we can always recognize Plug n Play games by their goofy builds, their hilariously outdated mono RCA cables, and their shameless attempts to instill franchise images in our minds at a fraction of the cost we usually pay.
This has been "Game History You Don't Need To Know, But Presenting It Gives The Illusion I'm Smart!"
And now that's out of the way, let's move onto the specific console we're covering today: Spongebob Squarepants in Bikini Bottom 500! ...Yay...
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Game: Spongebob Squarepants in Bikini Bottom 500
Manufacturer: Jakk's Pacific
Release Date: 2009
Genre: Racing
...I don't like Spongebob. ...At all... I briefly watched it in the early 00s when it was new on TV, but even as a kid, nothing about it really appealed to me. It's a show about an annoying sponge and the many comical misadventures usually caused by his and his friends' never ending stupidity. I'll admit that compared to the amount of absolutely unwatchable "kids" shows it's competed with, it's not horrible, but this is a show that, in my opinion, is short on creativity and only had enough "quality" for a season or two. Yet somehow, this show about an anthropomorphic sponge, the endless jokes about his pants, and the hyper-realistic stills of gross-out imagery has lasted 17 years, 9 seasons, 196 episodes, 2 movies, and a countless number of internet memes!
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| My reaction to the insane longevity of the Squarepants fandom |
And, of course, there were video games.
LOTS of video games.
According to Wikipedia, to date, Spongebob has appeared in 42 games, and that's not counting LeapFrog and other obscure consoles, iOS games, early cell phone games, flash games, or Plug n Play games! What I'm featuring today isn't even the first Plug n Play game! As far as I can tell, it's actually the NINTH!
So why did I pick this game for my first Plug n Play review? ...It was a random choice. I just reached into the box and pulled this one out. Since I have so many Plug n Plays, that's basically going to be the method of choice for this feature. Unless there's some sort of special event or holiday coming up, or unless enough of my readers demand it at once, I'm just going to randomly select something to talk about and see how much material I can wring out of it.
But, since I hate myself, rest assured, we will get to those other games eventually.
And now, at long last, let's talk about the game itself.
So you might be asking "If you hate Spongebob so much, why did you go out of your way to buy this game?" ...Well, I didn't buy it brand new. 99.9% of my collection is comprised of secondhand purchases. So, like nearly all of my collection, this was just staring me in the face one day at a thrift store or yard sale and, since I have a compulsion to own at least one of every Plug n Play game, I picked it up for about $3. A far cry from the $50 they wanted brand new!
The design of this console just baffles me. At first, it seems normal, the face(body?) of Spongebob holding the wheel of a car(does Spongebob own a car?) and smiling maniacally at the kid whose parents didn't know what to get him or her for their birthday. ...But then you realize that he's holding the steering wheel facing you, meaning, he's driving his car in YOUR direction!
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| MUTHATRUCKA WANT SOME?! |
Seeing as how this is a game with a 3D perspective, you are propelling Spongebob away from you in the game while you're holding him coming toward you. ...Wrap your mind around that...
And, as with most secondhand games, the battery cover is missing from the back. In most cases, this isn't a problem, but this did cause some difficulty as I'll explain later.
As you can probably guess from the name and the cartoonish look, BB500 is a kart racer in the same vein as Mario Kart or Nickelodeon's own racing games. ...However, it's a very watered down kart racer as you'll soon see.
At the start, you're given a choice of one of the main characters to play as: Spongebob, Patrick, Sandy, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, or Plankton. ...And right away, there's a problem, because it doesn't matter what you pick since ALL RACERS HAVE THE SAME STATS!
You know how fun it is in a kart racer to pick your avatar? All these different, colorful characters, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, vying to be the one that ties into your playing style the best? Remember sorting through them, trying each of them out, balancing the reduced acceleration in exchange for tight turns or the slippery friction in return for the heavy weight?
Well, don't have to worry about that here, since NONE of these characters differentiate from each other! Each one has the exact same driving style, the same speed, same turning, same power-ups, same everything, only differing in design. ...Was it really THAT hard to give a little variety? I'm no programmer, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't take that long to change some numbers around and give one character a little more speed, another a little better turning, another some friction, etc.
When I play a kart racer, I usually pick the character with the fastest speed, but since it didn't matter here, I went ahead and picked the obvious frontman.
From there, we're taken to the standard "garage" launch screen to sort through the game options. There's really nothing else to do besides race in this game, so I hit the Race Map and never looked back.
The game's split into 5 zones, each with 3 race tracks:
Jellyfish Fields:
*Frantic Fields
*Balancing Act
*Jelly Jumping
Goo Lagoon:
*Goo-lash
*Coming Through
*Perilous Harbor
Kelp Forest:
*Yelp, Help, Kelp!
*Dense & Tense
*Swamped
Bikini Bottom:
*Bikini Blizzard
*Snow Joke
*Snow Stormin'
Sulphur* Fields:
*Sulphur, So-good
*Bubble Trouble
*Frantic Finale
*I was going to point out the spelling mistake of "sulphur" instead of sulfur, but a quick check on Wikipedia told me that "sulphur" is the British spelling of sulfur, and since one of the companies that produced this, HotGen, is based in London, I'll let it go. ...However, the same page also told me that Britain adopted the "sulfur" spelling in the early 90s, so it should be incorrect in that country as well, so I don't know what to think... Either way, my spell checker says "sulphur" is a misspelling.
So I hit the first level, the race begins... and this is the first major POSITIVE of the game.
With most Plug n Play games, space is a luxury for game memory. As such, a lot of older, and even newer, games will usually just revert to pixellated 2D SNES/Genesis-esque graphics in an era of 3D models and hi-res sprites.
Sometimes a game will give the illusion of a 3-dimensional world, but it's pretty obvious that it's just one layer stacked on another and they're sticking with pixels rather than something that has depth.
But here... we're actually given a 3D environment. Not only have they provided a first-person perspective of the road, but the racers themselves are clearly computer animated models!
At the character select screen and during certain points in the race, we are given a full 360-degree view of the racer, and it's clearly a 3D model as opposed to a faux-3D sprite. Admittedly, it's a digitized model, shown by the low frame rate and the ClayFighter-quality scans, but compared to the graphics of most other games that will be featured here, this is Mass Effect.
But that's just praise for the game's cosmetics. How does the game actually play?
As part of Jakk's Pacific "Motion" games, as this kid is so joyfully demonstrating, the steering is done by physically steering the controller left and right, as well as copying onscreen moves during certain sections of the game. I actually really like this, especially since it was so responsive for most of the game. The A button is the standard "accelerate" and the B button fires weapons strewn about the courses. There are two arrows on the front as an alternative to steering with the wheel, but I never found a need for them. The ones on my copy stick when pushed anyway.
However, the controls are pretty clearly meant for smaller hands, since grabbing the wheel with oversized hands, like I unfortunately have, can produce a painful cramp after only a few minutes of play.
So how does a game where all the stats are the same for all characters make it a fair race? By making the game not so much a "race" as an "overtake", similar to old Atari games. At the beginning of each race, the other racers zoom past you before control is handed to you, so you ALWAYS start in 6th place. Then it's a matter of
Mastering curves
Plowing through jellyfish
Performing quick time events
And, of course, avoiding the other racers to complete all three laps and complete the race.
Now, when I first played this, it took a while to get used to the controls and learn the layout of the track, so I just barely scraped by in 3rd place.
But when I played again, I channeled all my expert kart-racing skills honed from years of playing Mario Kart, Diddy Kong Racing, and Sonic All Stars Racing, and THERE WAS NO MERCY!
Seriously, after I got used to the controls and track layout, I managed to achieve 1st place in each race with little to no trouble. As a grand master of Mario Kart, I felt that my skills were wasted on this puny game!
Now since each track plays more or less the same, it's pretty pointless to describe each one, so instead, here are a few general things I love and hate about the whole game:
Love:
As I mentioned, the graphics are incredible, featuring digitized 3D models on what is more commonly a 2D pixellated system. Most of the rest of the environment is 2D from a 3D perspective, but the scrolling and scaling employed really gives a "Mode 7" feel to the game.
There are even points when the models stretch and skew, usually when jumping off a ramp, adding a cartoonish element I thought would be missing from a Plug n Play game like this. I nearly changed my mind about reviewing this so early since, let's face it, very few games we're going to see are going to look this good.
The controls take some getting used to, but once you've played a track and got a good feel of the motion control, it's a breeze... until the quick time events.
Yeah, like with other games that experiment with motion control, this game includes some quick time challenges requiring the player to react in a certain way. When I came to a certain section of track, I was told to "Get Ready To... PULL" and an icon showing the action popped up as shown above. When I first came across this, I completely messed up and lost my lead in the race, the main problem being that I didn't know how quickly it wanted me to "pull" and it probably didn't recognize the direction I was pulling the controller at first. I nearly thought the controller was broken, but after a few tries, I realized it was just my gross incompetence.
And this is where I wish my copy had a battery door, since a couple of times when I had to pull off these sudden motions, my area became a literal...
...And yes, you're welcome to punch me in the face for that joke the next time you see me...
However, as I kept going, I found myself actually really liking these events! They kept me on my toes, they showed off the capabilities of the controller, and they helped stave off the repetitiveness of the courses.
There's even a decent variety of events, requiring you to Push, Pull, Balance, and Shake to victory!
Quick time events also play a part in between races, where in order to repair damage done to the kart during the race(yes, the karts have health bars), a random action is required to be performed in a short amount of time, emulating bolting, repainting, pumping a tire, cleaning an engine, etc. This is actually the best part due to the variety and the pressure of figuring out just which does what.
And the variety is desperately needed since you'll need to repair the kart constantly to avoid taking too much damage and restarting the race.
The final thing of note that I really like about the game is that the music is surprisingly really good! It's rare for Plug n Play games to even have music, let alone anything that you wouldn't want to mute right away, but I think they quite accurately captured what cartoonish kart music should sound like: fast, bouncy, and with sound effects incorporated into the tune. In fact, while listening, I definitely felt they had an overall Nintendo 64 cartoony vibe to them, like something you'd hear from Super Mario 64, Mario Kart, or Banjo Kazooie. Obviously, I can't sample it in a blog, but if you watch the supplementary video, you'll probably hear it too.
Hate:
It's TOO EASY! Yeah, I know this game is meant for young kids whose parents are too cheap to buy them a Wii and an actual Spongebob game, but it has very little challenge for anyone but the most novice of gamers.
Admittedly, there's a slight difficulty spike towards the end when larger obstacles and tighter turns are introduced, but by this time, you're probably well familiar with the controls and as long as you follow the path of coins, you'll have little/no problem obtaining and placing first.
The coins, by the way, are useless in the long run, just there to give the races another challenge.
And if the game wasn't easy enough, they implemented an item that's basically an instant win if you grab it.
There are three power-ups across all the races: a Krabby Patty, a Shield, and a Checkered Flag, almost always in threes and in the same order. The Krabby Patty does a slight amount of damage to the racer in front of you, the Shield protects you from other racers and can deal a decent amount of damage if you crash into them, but the Checkered Flag on the right is the one you want to grab.
Not only do they give you a huge speed boost for a good few seconds, but they deal a tremendous amount of damage to any racer you crash into, knocking out an even slightly damaged racer. These are even more unfairly powerful than the Blue Shell and far more common. If you manage to grab only one or two during each race, victory is guaranteed as long as you don't crash into every obstacle along the way.
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| Nerf, Jakks Pacific, Nerf... |
But the most damning aspect of this game is something you might have noticed with the first picture of the console. If not, then let me ask you a question: What is the best part of playing a kart racer, or any racer for that matter? The power-ups? The imaginative courses? The colorful characters and the drive to race each to the finish? ...No...
It's the ability to play it with friends! The idea of a race is to compete against different cars and different skill levels that only human beings sitting right next to you or across the country over a network can provide! Whether it's split screen, a LAN party, or an Xbox Live server, the greatest way to experience a racing game, a sports game, or practically any game(except possibly a single player RPG) is to team up with your best friend and spend a few hours smashing Koopa shells, traffic cones, and turbo boosts into each other as you desperately spin around the corners to claim 1st place before the other!
And this game doesn't have that capability...
There do exist multiplayer Plug n Play games, usually accomplished by daisy-chaining a second controller off the first. If this game had included a second controller to plug into the first, that would have made this game a lot more fun, since even if the rest of the racers are just brainless and unchallenging, it would have given at least two players the opportunity to actually race against one another and make the game more of a, well, a RACE.
So by not including a way to hook up another controller and making the game strictly one-player, they have effectively destroyed half the fun and nearly all the replay value!
And in the end, after you've completed every single race, grabbing the Checkered Flag countless times on the way there, what is your reward?
And then it boots you back to the Race Select Map. Not even any victory music to celebrate this joyous wasting of time...
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Design: One of the reasons why I started collecting these is probably because of the imagination put into designing the casing of these games, and this one is no exception. Even if I'm not a fan of Spongebob, I do love the amount of detail put into Spongebob's head right in the middle of the controller and that the controller does feel like an actual steering wheel. Also, Spongebob is driving straight at you with THAT face! That is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying if you think about it too hard. I guess the only thing that keeps me from giving it full marks is that it's designed for smaller hands and it was painful to hold after a while. Still, it works and it's made of high quality material.
Controls: The game controls very well, with all buttons functional and the motion detection very smooth in turning the car. Everything is in reach and I don't feel like there's any delay in pressing a button or moving the control and the action appearing on screen. Admittedly, the quick time events can be a little tricky since the controller needs to be moved in an exact way to register what it tells you to do, but once you get the feel of it, it's a minor hindrance at best.
Graphics: The graphics are gorgeous. Admittedly, on an actual console, these would probably be sub-PS1 level, but for a dedicated Plug n Play console, the 3D effects and amount of animation given to the characters, the layout, and even the still images look incredible. I don't know if we'll see such high quality in another game like this for a long time...
Music & Sound: The music is great, capturing the cartoonish nature of kart racing in a style that Sega or Nintendo has before. It's also really nice that the music sounds orchestrated and isn't just an 8-bit sounding MIDI file or a loose collection of beeps & blips like with most other Plug n Play games. However, it would have been nice to have a victory fanfare at the end. The sound does its job as well, capturing the sounds of the engines, collecting coins, ratcheting, smashing into other racers, etc. It would have been really nice though to have sound clips from the characters to break up the monotony and give an indication that they're affected by what's happening on screen.
Gameplay: The gameplay is unfortunately where the game starts to fall apart. At first it seems like a fun kart racer, but after 15 levels of basically the same stretches of road, the same 3 power-ups, the monotony of the engine sounds, and the fact that it's more of an obstacle course to make it to first than an actual race against challenging opponents, it REALLY gets boring. Still, it's not very long and the quick time events do serve to keep you on your toes, so there's enough happening to get you through the game.
Replay Value: The game can be beaten in about an hour, give or take, and once it's complete, there's really no point in playing it again. All the characters are the same, there are no secrets, and there are no customization options to change the racers, track, or even difficulty. And, of course, there's no multiplayer option, so challenging friends is out of the question. Unless you're really that hard up on collecting every coin on every level, which still doesn't result in anything new, it's a "one play and you're done" deal.
Overall:
The graphics and sound are gorgeous, but that doesn't excuse the mediocre-at-best gameplay and the watered-down mechanics. A little kid would probably have some fun with this and get some challenge out of it, but older gamers will most likely quickly grow bored. Still, if you like Spongebob and want to see some stunningly good graphics on a budget console, it could provide at least an hour's enjoyment.
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