Let's wrap things up and get to the last two dozen games! ...And if you made it this far, I applaud you!
76. Enemy On All Sides. How I feel when I say I don't care for superhero movies.
You're a tank surrounded by four tanks. You don't destroy them; instead, you push the directional button in the direction of the oncoming bullets to prevent them from blowing you up. And while you can fire multiple projectiles at a time, DON'T! Any missiles that don't hit another missile bounce back and hit you! ...I can't help but think you're fighting a losing battle and just prolonging the inevitable. Your tactics have failed, Rommel, and now it's time to join that big Reich in the sky...
77. Gang Nam Run. As you can infer by the title, this is a game based around the 2012 hit "Gangnam Style"! ...Yes, really! And depending on how your tolerance for the craze has held out, this will either be the quickest you ever click on a game to play, or the fastest you'll ever turn off a console!
It's a reversal of Jumping Panda, and very similar to Challenge 100 from the Vs Maxx console. You guide Psy down automatically ascending platforms, trying to stay alive for as long as you can while avoiding the spikes at the top and trick platforms that'll hurt or hinder you. Like Challenge 100, it's playable. ...Or at least it would be, if the music wasn't so terrible! I'm in the group that still likes "Gangnam Style", but for the version here, they just play a short sample of the backing beat, with Psy randomly shouting "Oppa Gangnam Style" at random intervals! They didn't even try to sync it up! And the sample quality is so bad, it legitimately sounds like it's from a dying toy ready to spontaneously combust! While this game deserves some points based on the craziness factor alone, there's still nothing keeping you playing it for a long period of time, and the music only serves to help drive you off... Just go watch the music video another billion times!
78. Magic Stone. It's Sega's Columns. That's it. Moving on.
79. Aerial Defence II. It's just like Aerial Defence I, only now you can shoot to the sides! And the main theme from The Legend of Zelda games plays in the background! ...That horrible moment when you realize the Philips CD-I Zelda games are a step up from this console...
80. NS-Tower. Just like Jumping Panda, only the goat lion ant thing in a button shirt is back. The only joy you'll get out of this game is seeing this abomination fall to his death over and over again...
81. Bright Stone. There's nothing "bright" about these games. ...Though there is evidence of stoning...
It's another puzzle game, where the objective is to switch around bricks to create full lines of the same color and clear the screen in the fewest amount of moves. Again, playable. ...Just not on here...
82. Shoot Balls. At this point, I would love a game of pool...
The goal is to shoot the ballOONS on the left side of the screen, and not the floating ones in the middle. Otherwise, you'll ruin little Jimmy's birthday party and the game is over. ...At least, I assume that's why you can't shoot them. Either that, or The Joker's Smilex gas is contained in the middle balloons, and Batman will get pissed that you inadvertently helped his greatest villain. ...Then again, you'll be dead, so what will it matter?
83. Tolower. Toupper in reverse. That's it.
84. Tetris. They didn't even bother to change the title... It's the typical game of Tetris, only with these freakish toy animals staring at you as you play! "Come and play with us. Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever..."
85. Magic Pic. When I first saw this game, I thought the title said "Magic PIG", and it would feature the pig from Charlotte's Web in some side-scrolling shooter. ...Either that, or be another Rocket Man or Flying Broom game featuring the pig from The Black Cauldron...
In actuality, it's sort of a "What's Wrong With This Picture"-type puzzle game, where your job is to outline everything different with the picture on the right compared to the one on the left. ...Not that the game makes that clear, and you'll spend a good amount of time trying to figure out what to do! And once you do find out... You just won't care anymore...
Though it is to the music of "Warming Up With Doc" from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! ...China Stole My Cash! There. Got that meme out of the way.
86. Wolf vs Rabbit. Back in the early 2000s, there was a puzzle game from PopCap that I played all the time called Mummy Maze. Here, you played an adventurer, trying to get to exit the room, while staying one step ahead of an evil mummy. The mummy moved faster than the adventurer, so you couldn't outrun him. Instead you had to lead the mummy on a chase around the room until it got stuck in a trap or crevice, then make your way to the exit. Lather, rinse, repeat. I haven't played the game in years, but I have fond memories of it, and, if I ever become bored with the dozens of games already at my disposal, I might see if I can hunt it down again. Maybe even give the C64 demake a shot!
Anyway, Wolf vs Rabbit is the exact same thing. You control a bunny trying to avoid a wolf with a freakish grin by trapping it behind walls and corners while you rush to the exit. ...Except, unlike the original game, it's slow, jerky, and lacks any of the cartoonish charm and atmosphere the first game had! ...Just like everything else we've seen! And since I just told you what this game is actually based on, I recommend you go play that instead! I'm sure there's a smartphone version somewhere.
87. Chain Reaction. ...That Keanu Reeves movie from the 90s? ...It did also involve water, so I don't think that's too far off a guess.
From what I understand, you have a limited amount of water droplets to use to fill up other water droplets scattered around the field. Once a puddle is full enough, it explodes and sends droplets flying in four directions into other water sources, which will either fill up or also explode, depending on how much water they contain. The goal is to clear the field of water by sending every droplet off the sides of the screen, wher they can't congeal into another puddle. ...At least, I think that's what happens. Just like the movie this may/may not be based on, I can't tell what's going on! ...Which is something I can say for most Keanu Reeves movies in general...
88. Blobs. ...They're frogs. The same frogs from Hunger Frog, but without crowns. ...Perhaps the frogs the other frog deposed to get to the crown?
Every play one of those peg-jumping games at Cracker Barrel, where the objective is to eliminate all the pegs by jumping over each with other pegs until one is left? That's this game! ...Except you don't have the promise of succulent slow-cooked pot roast on its way, so you're killing time for nothing! ...Now I want some pot roast...
89. NS-Shaft. Just like Gang Nam Run, and the exact opposite of NS-Tower. All that needs to be said. ...Though it is the last you'll see of the goliant mascot, so, before we move on, a reel of his finest moments!
90. The FTPunk. ...Somebody who wears their hair in a pink mohawk with a spiked collar and bracelets, who composes songs about WTO?
Actually, you're a bunny in overalls, playing a puzzle game very similar to Eating Balls. Except, in this case, to goal is to collect these diamonds that you bounce off of. Collect them all, go to the next level. Why you're a rabbit in overalls collecting diamonds is never explained. ...Maybe Max has finally grown up and is trying desperately to get enough cash to move away from Ruby...
91. Tom vs. Jarry. The exact same as Wolf vs Rabbit, only the characters are now badly drawn versions of Tom and Jerry. Tom likely after Jerry because he stole all the cake in Greedy Jarry.
92. Destroy Hubble. Spoilers: this game does not involve blowing up space telescopes, nor any destruction of any mechanical items. ...A misleading title on this console? ...I'm shocked!
It's actually a clone of Pang/Buster Bros. You control this robot with a paint-roller wheel as it shoots harpoons up at these bouncing balls, dividing them into smaller and smaller balls until they finally disappear. Also, one hit and you're dead. There's another knockoff of Buster Bros. for a console called the Wireless 60, and I'd rather play that than this...
93. Birds Bomb. No, you're not controlling a pigeon flying around, splattering objects below. ...I'm so bored, I'd rather play a game themed around poop...
Instead, it's another sliding puzzle. You slide around the birds from Disappear Birds as you try to... I have no idea! None of the birds seem to disappear when organized into rows or columns, there's no picture to match with, and there's no unique bird to guide to the other side of this maze, so I have NO idea how it works! ...All I know is that it's a good thing Rovio didn't go with "Sliding Birds" for their big debut...
94. Resource War. We're going after the oil cartels? About time!
Actually, it has nothing to do with resources. Instead, you're this tiny ship, who must fly over all of the "?" squares while dodging shots fired from the ships on every side of the field. ...Alright, this is yet another "not bad" game, and I did have some fun playing it. However, at this point, my back felt ready to break and I only had 5 games left, so my session purposely didn't last long. Still, it's nice they threw a curveball into the console at the very end! ...As I might just do once I'm done here.
95. Jumping Over. It's the return of Circus Charlie! This game takes the form of Level 5 from the original game, where you're jumping over walls and trampolines from a horse. ...I don't know how many times I've said this so far, but just go play the real thing...
96. Cartoon Array. Just like Mushroom Array, except with actual mushrooms! They gave the games the wrong titles! Even they couldn't keep track of all the copy/pasted games!
97. Twin Shot. This is the most out-of-place game on this console since Angry Birds and Plants vs Zombies! And considering the crazy junk we've seen in the dozens and dozens of games we've been through so far, just let that sink in for a second!
Where do I even start? ...How about the gameplay? You're a purple pig with a bow and quiver, on a mission to destroy these orange Pikmin-like chreatures in each level. You eliminate them by firing an arrow at each one, but some are on higher platforms. You reach these platforms by firing arrows at the wall, where they stick, allowing you to use them as platforms to make it to higher areas! Once the orange things are eliminated, it goes on to the next level.
Later levels introduce additional elements to master, including this large platform movable by shooting arrows at it
And these fans that blow you off the ground!
Every level is different, and you have no idea what you'll need to traverse from level-to-level! It could be a regular platform-based level, or it could be completely full of fans! It's a game that keeps you guessing, despite its repetitive gameplay! It's almost, dare I say it, FUN!
Next, the animation. It is
Ok, the sound and music are mediocre, with most of the few sound effects taken from the original Super Mario Bros, and the music some repetitive stock "cheerful" tune, and it's still not one of the most exciting games I've played, but... It's SOMETHING! ...What happened?! How did we suddenly, at the very end of the console's library, get something that resembles quality?! I'm sure it's still stolen from something, but the work put into it far outweighs ALL the other games on this console! It's not great, but it something that could pass for a budget SNES or Amiga game, at least! I... Words no mind come to. Sense make not this does. Better move on before brain hurt words no explain huh what where?!
98. Duck Thief. Exactly the same as The FTPunk, only with ducks and eggs. Now THIS is the quality I expect from this console! Ok, normal levels restored! Let's get through the final two games before it throws us another surprise!
99. Monkey Jump. Another Circus Charlie level split off from the main game. This time, you're jumping over monkeys. ...And you jump so high and come down so quickly, it's near impossible to judge when to jump to avoid crashing into one of the primates below! Thankfully, this is the last Circus Charlie game on here. ...They couldn't even be bothered to port the final three levels onto this console...
100. Clear Map. This is it! The final game on this console!
...And it's a clone of Tiger Electronics' Lights Out. You control this cross and try to erase all the red buttons on the screen. When you push the button with the cross in a certain area, it'll erase all red buttons within the shape, but also place red buttons wherever there's an empty space. Find the pattern to eliminate all the red buttons and head over to the next level. ...Or, say it with me, just play the real thing!
And that is IT! The console only contains 100 "original" games. In cheap multicart-style, the other 688 games are all repeats, randomly shuffled through the rest of the console to give the impression there are hundreds of different games to choose from. ...Honestly, I don't know why they did this. It's not like other consoles where they have 20-30 titles and they list them infinitely with random numbers next to them. 100 is a good, large, round number! If the console bragged it had 100 games on it, that's still impressive! Heck, the listing for this item said it only had 100 games, and I bought it! ...I regret it, but I'm not upset it doesn't actually have 788 original games! ...I had a hard time getting through the first 20!
So with the rest of the console being repeats, there's nothing else to point out. ...Or is there? At the very end, I found a program called "Exchange Score", which I assume allows you to compare and show off your scores for each game with a friend who also owns one of these consoles, via the built-in Bluetooth.
I don't have another console to test this with, but if it works, I have to admit that that's a pretty good incentive to play this console! Sure, the games are 25 different flavors of garbage, but at least you can prove you're at the top of that garbage pile!
...But, I don't have a friend who also owns a console. And, truth be told, I don't want to own one, either! I've finally covered all games on this console, and now it's time to put it in a safe place for next time!
...What made you think there was going to be a next time?
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Design: The console looks like a third-party handheld system, like a cheap emulator or tablet you'd also find on a sketchy Chinese online marketplace. I'll give it credit that it's not entirely ripping off an existing console, as most knockoff systems do, but the design it does have is ordinary, like the first thing you'd think of when you think "generic knockoff console". That said, it is the most "comfortable" generic handheld console I've probably ever played! It's made of a smooth, slightly-rubbery plastic, with buttons that respond, handles that fit comfortably in the hands, and both a directional pad and circle pad that feel like they're from a "real" control pad. It actually feels nicer than quite a few Plug n Play games I've played, and considering how cheap and fragile and even greasy a lot of these knockoff consoles feel, this is a welcome change-up from the norm! The functionality of the console is also something worthy of praise, as it can run on an internal chargeable lithium-ion battery, regular AAA batteries, or a cord inserted into the top. If you don't have a rechargeable battery for it, I'd recommend using both AAA batteries and a cord(preferably connected to a portable battery pack) for maximum clarity of the screen. Speaking of, the screen's surprisingly good for a console like this! It's a backlit, full-color screen with a high refresh rate, preventing ghosting and keeping the screen relatively clear(unless you're looking at it through a camera...) So while the console doesn't get many points in terms of creativity, it's nice that they took those points and put them into its cosmetics and functionality! All so you can play a hundred games more boring than an original Game Boy shovelware cartridge!
Controls: The physical controls themselves are just fine, with a functional D-pad, and even an analog, self-centering circle pad! Since most of these games are regular 2D scrollers or puzzles, you're going to be using the D-pad most of the time for the sake of convenience, but it's nice to have a circle pad for the more "free-roaming" games like Airfight. In terms of actually controlling the games, I noticed little-to-no problem with most of them, mostly because 90% of them were casual puzzle games. The typical problems of using a directional pad for these types of games are present, including feeling clunky and taking forever to scroll to and select the option/piece you're after, similar to what playing puzzle games on the GBA or SNES felt like, but it's nothing the console added that wasn't already a problem. The one game I remember being absolutely terrible due to its controls was Tank War, as the sprites were WAY too big and playing it felt like driving an actual tank! One that couldn't run things over! So in addition to seeing the games, you can control them! ...Not that you want to...
Graphics: Most of the graphics are stolen, and what's not stolen is just bland. Everything's highly compressed and pixellated, so even though you can see the sprites and backgrounds clearly, it's all laughably low-res. It's like playing the original NES on a 4K TV with an RF cord, it just looks so blurry and blocky. It's especially bad with the graphics you know are stolen from games you can play in higher resolution, since you end up wanting to play the actual games just to appreciate what they actually look like! What's not stolen is very bland and simplistic. We have blocks, we have clouds, we have generic cute cartoon animals, we have ripoff anime characters, and we have backgrounds, all looking like they were created in MS Paint... If the assets weren't repeated across so many of the games, I would have forgotten what they looked like as soon as I switched to the next game! The animations are also severely lacking, with most sprites simply being still images that are dragged around onscreen, and the ones that they DID bother to give "animation" only given a pitiful 2-3 different frames! The one thing I can give this console in terms of graphics is that the colors are vibrant and varied, as opposed to the horrible shades of blues, yellows, browns, greens, pinks, oranges, etc. previously featured on the Vs Maxx. The sprites look terrible, but at least they don't burn my eyes like other pirate multicarts! On the whole, I can liken the graphics to a Flash animation that combines stolen sprites, jpegs, and original animations. ...One made by a fifth-grader in their first week, before they gave up and never used it again!
Music & Sound: Unlike the Vs Maxx, where nearly every background track was tuneless drek, a good amount of music on this console sounded fine. ...Mostly because most of the tracks were straight-up stolen! Going through the library, I heard the themes from Angry Birds, Plants vs. Zombies, Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, Dig Dug, Sonic the Hedgehog, and even non-games like Cheers and "Gangnam Style"! I'm sure there were more; those are just the tracks I recognized right off the bat. I guess there was some amusement to be found with how ill-fitting the music was with the games they were paired with, but it just reminded me of games I COULD be playing! Also, tracks were obviously reused with other games across the system. Still, they didn't make me want to immediately mute the system while I played(which I couldn't anyway, for the sake of the video...) There were also a lot more sound effects than found on the Vs Maxx. ...Though, since most of the games on that console were eerily silent, that's not saying much. Besides the Angry Chickens and Angry Plants games, which mostly used heavily compressed versions of the music and sound effects from the real games, most of the sound effects were reused from game to game. Besides every game, including Angry Chicken & Angry Plants, using the exact same "Level Start" and "Victory" fanfares, I recognized the same firing, crashing, "ploink", selection, "ding", and crash sounds, among others, across nearly every single game on this console! The oddest thing about the music and sound on this console is that none of the effects or tracks sounded like they were actually being played through a "sound chip" like an older console, and were instead badly recorded from speakers playing those sounds and music and played back during the game as MP3/WAV files! Maybe it was just the quality of the mono speaker on the console, but it sounded like all audio was stored in a separate directory somewhere on the console and played when appropriate, similarly to how modern game audio works. The result is that we don't get beepy 8-bit or 16-bit tracks played through a sound chip. Instead, we get beepy 8 or 16-bit tracks played through a highly-compressed audio program! Maybe it was easier to include sound and music this way, instead of converting everything in a chiptune program, but it just sounds silly that we're getting sound and music initially composed for 8/16-bit hardware that was then recorded through a mic and added to games running on slightly-more advanced hardware! If you're the kind of person who obsesses over little details like that in the sound mixing, like me, you might want the audio on just to hear it to believe it! ...Otherwise, you're not missing anything if you mute the console and put on some actual music in the background. Or listen to reviewer videos, like I do.
Gameplay: ...And here I thought the Vs Maxx was as bad as it got. This console is packed to the brim with mediocre AT BEST titles, all very short, very simple, and VERY not worth your time! Just like the Vs Maxx, the majority of games on here are puzzle games, featuring matching, mazes, physics-based puzzles, and painful rip-offs of PopCap games. Most of them are playable, but so bland and so ugly to look at with what they call "animation", you'd rather play any of the 100 million other versions of these games! The scrolling and space shooter games are also playable, but immensely boring, taking several minutes of repetitive holding-down-the-button-ness to eventually get to the boss(if one exists), only to be rewarded by having to play the level all over again! However, where it gets REALLY bad is with everything else! The racing games on the Vs Maxx were terrible and pointless, but they at least had a goal, and sometimes a stopping point. Here, you just hold down the button for 100 seconds! You NEVER reach the end, and you never win! They actually figured that nobody would have the patience to go the whole 1 minute, 40 seconds, so they did the same with all three racing games! Besides the racing games, scrolling games like Risk-King and CS-Fire, and endless runners like Where Are We Going? and Three Rabbits, are unplayable with how slowly they scroll, enemy placement, and stiff controls! Arcade ripoffs like Donkey Kong and Risker are playable, but you wouldn't want to. And then there are games so difficult, you can never win, like Matchstick Man, and games so easy, you'll never lose, like Sea Wolf! But the worst part about this game library? There's no reason for it to be 100 games! Many of the titles are the EXACT SAME GAME as a game we saw previously! Where Are We Going? was constantly cloned, as well as Montezuma, Raiden, Racing Car, Couple X, Wolf vs Rabbit, and a couple other titles. It's clear they could only fit 50-60 games on here, so they switched some of the sprites and backgrounds for a few games to pretend there were more titles! On top of already pretending there were "788" games on here! The ONLY games worth checking out are their renditions of Angry Birds and Plants vs Zombies(and possibly Twin Shot). But even then, they're only worth checking out for the novelty of playing these relatively advanced games demade to resemble old cellphone games! Angry Chicken can be completed in under 10 minutes, while Angry Plants is a VERY slow version of Plants Vs Zombies with most of the plants and strategy elements taken out and each stage taking 5+ minutes to complete, with NO save feature! They're fun at first, but Angry Chicken isn't around for long, while Angry Plants quickly overstays its welcome. However, because Angry Chicken and Angry Plants are worth checking out just for laughs, I'll give this category ONE point, which is more than I gave the Vs Maxx. ...And even that point, I think is too good for this console, but I don't deal in smaller measurements...
There is no Replay Value to be found, so I'm not even bothering with this category.
Overall:
The build quality and the demakes of Angry Birds and Plants vs Zombies are the ONLY reasons for the one point I'm giving the console overall. Outside of those features, this console is ABOMINABLE! The graphics and music are stolen and/or snoringly bland, the gameplay for nearly every game is overly-simplistic and lasts forever, and half the library is copied from better games or even other games on the console! I make no exaggeration when I say this is WORSE than the Vs Maxx! As bad as that console got, I at least gave it credit that most games were winnable, and it introduced me to a few titles I could hunt down and play the real things of! ...This console doesn't even have that, with some games lasting next-to-forever repeating the same levels, running out of time before an end could be reached, or just being completely unplayable due to difficulty or enemy placement! And the Vs Maxx only had FIFTY games! If you ever see one of these consoles, DON'T pick it up! Even if it was a free gift, don't bother turning it on! I've already shown you everything the Angry Birds and Plants Vs Zombies games have to offer, so there's no reason to play those, either! Just dump it! Dump it, then download the REAL things of Angry Birds and Plants vs. Zombies onto your phones and play those for FREE! Sure, there are micro-transactions, but you'll at least be paying for a quality product by giving your money to those developers! Support the people you like, refuse to give money to those that try to steal from them! ...Unless you're a reviewer like me who has to get their hands on every low-quality game system out there, in which case, just brand me a colossal hypocrite...
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