Halfway through, here we go again.
51. Number Taxis. No thank you. I'm too busy counting blue cars.
This is another sliding puzzle, where the goal is to slide the numbers back in order from 1-12. Out of all the puzzles on here, this is the one that sucked me in the most. Maybe because I kept winning, maybe because it was a concept I could understand and get behind, maybe because I was more ok with looking at numbers than the cute, fluffy, badly-drawn creatures from everything else, whatever the reason, I had to wrench myself away from this game to continue my look. That's the highest praise I can give anything on this console, so if any developers are reading, suck it in while you can!
52. Disappear Boxes. The exact same game as Disappear Birds. NEXT!
53. Toupper. ...You're someone who creates fake hairpieces? ...All while a slowed-down version of the Dig Dug theme plays?
It plays very similarly to Towers from the Vs Maxx 50-in-1. You guide the same goat-lion-ant mascot character from Risker and Risk-King as you help him jump upwards from platform to platform, avoiding the enemies walking from left-to-right. ...Except it's even blander, since the first game had special platforms and a power meter, while this, you just need to jump onto a platform while an enemy's not right above you! ...Why am I making so many comparisons to the Vs. Maxx console, and how is Vs. Maxx coming out on top each time?!
54. Save Bears. That's right! Save the bears! Show them you love them beary, beary much! ...Before they tear your head off because you tried to hug them...
Good luck getting anywhere in this game! You control this platform, as these three repeating bear designs use it to jump across boiling lava! It only has three positions, so you're spared the slow-moving paddle from The Wall, but the problem is with the pattern! These bears all seem to share the same pattern of when they'll jump and when they'll fall, meaning if there are two on the screen, they'll fall at the same time into either end of the pit! If you try to save one, the other one will fall in and melt. ...Actually, it's more likely you'll lose both, since you'll hurry to get the platform to the first bear and miss, resulting in the platform not being there to catch the second. And since you only have three lives, you'll be lucky to get past the first three bears, let alone the rest the level throws at you! ...I could make a joke about We Bare Bears, but I haven't seen it.
If you want a fun version of this concept, go play Earthworm Jim 2's "Puppy Love" level!
And if you want to save the bears, remember to donate to Pistols for Pandas! This cause is good! ...'Cause!
55. Color Balls. The first game that starts up without a title screen. It's just like Snood Towers from the Vs Maxx, which was a clone of a Match-3 game installed on pretty much every computer in the 90s. Select groups, clear them out, and hopefully eliminate enough to go to the next level. ...If you hate yourself.
56. Sudoku. ...Heh heh heh. ...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
57. The Bird Home. ANOTHER Where Are We Going? clone, just with badly drawn sprites of Bomb from Angry Birds. Nothing else to say.
Though it may likely get the video flagged for content. After all, this is a game that shows us its Cock!
58. Flying Broom. An asset flip of Rocket Man. You control Harry Potter(complete with lightning scar), dodging blimps and falling hammers. Just cast Avada Kedavra on this game...
59. Eatting Balls. ...No comment...
It's another pretty clever puzzle game. You control a ball that can only run around the walls and can only shoot straight froward from where it sits, as you try to collect the other balls. However, you're also given another mechanic, where the ball and this box can switch places, allowing the ball to reach areas unavailable where it was, and to bounce off the box to reach other inaccessible areas. Not a bad idea for a puzzle game, and something I'm sure has been done somewhere else! ...In which case, play that one! Especially since I couldn't figure out Level 2...
60. Elevator Action. ...Yes, THAT Elevator Action. The 1983 Taito arcade game! These developers sure love their forgotten, mediocre arcade games!
As we've come to expect, it plays just like a slower, jerky version of the original game. You're a spy, you go down an elevator, you shoot bad guys and collect packages from red doors, and you make it to the bottom floor as soon as you have them all. It's simple, but it has somewhat of a personality, and I found myself starting to have fun!
And then I reached Level 2, where this guy shoots and instantly kills me. That'll teach me for being optimistic! ...I always preferred Snake over James Bond wannabes, anyway...
61. Tic Tac Toe. The title sounds straightforward, but it's actually a mix between Tic-Tac-Toe and the Japanese game of Go!. You try to make three in a row, but you can also jump over the opponent's tokens to switch them to your color in an attempt to make three that way! Interesting concept!
...But not one I ever caught onto... The only Tic-Tac-Toe I could ever stand was the song by Kyper, anyway...
62. Color Stone. Another game that doesn't start with its title. It's a clone of Puyo Puyo/Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine/Kirby's Avalanche, just without the competitive play, and matching jewels have to be in a straight line of 3 or more to disappear. ...So it's like those games without anything that made them good. Take your pick of the above, and don't bother with this one...
63. Settle Puzzle. I agree. Couldn't this console have settled with just ONE puzzle game?!
It's a point-and-click puzzle, where the goal is to place the chick on a green platform, then run over each line in a pattern that'll change them all to purple. Then repeat with a new layout! All while a slow, cheerful version of the Emerald Hill Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog 2 plays! Maybe this chick is one of the animals Sonic freed from control of Robotnik? ...Should have stayed in the containment tank...
64. Magic Ball. It's three-card monte. The ball is put under a cup, the cups shuffle around, and you pick the one it's hiding under. I already got hustled buying this console. I don't need to get hustled again...
65. Everyday Eliminate II. ANOTHER Bejeweled clone, and the exact same as the first Everyday Eliminate. I'm glad we had this talk.
66. Cubix. No, it's not a game based on the forgotten South Korean CGI show. That one already has three disappointing games...
I originally thought it was a Bust-a-Move clone, where the idea was to shoot matching colors to clear lines as the screen comes down towards you, but no. It's more like a "shooter" version of Tetris. Just aim and fire at the gaps to complete lines, which disappear. So, if you've ever wanted to play Bust-a-Move if it was a pothole-filling simulator, this is your game! ...Actually, go fill in some actual potholes instead. You'll get some sun and exercise.
67. Wall Ball. Just like The Wall, only less of a point! Fire the ball at the wall, keep it bouncing on the paddle, earn points as you go. Maybe listen to some Accept tracks while you're at it. ...Actually, if you want to listen to Accept during a game, you're better off playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories.
68. Couple Animals. ANOTHER clone of Couple Plants and Couple Everyday. And that's a LOT more than a couple animals! Noah's Ark didn't have that many!
69. Jumping Panda. Another version of Toupper, just with the panda from Pi Wang who has lost his gas problem between games. Also, there are no enemies in this version, just tricky platforms, so it's more similar to Towers than Toupper was. In this case, that's sadly a good thing...
70. Greedy Jarry. I quite agree! The magazine that combines gay lifestyles and cooking tips charges WAY too much for its subscription! ...Actually, I don't know what it charges, or even what it really is. I just needed something to make the joke work...
It's actually about JERRY, the mouse from Tom and Jerry, in what's basically a bigger version of Mushroom Ball. Jerry continually bounces on these platforms, and it's your job to bounce him along, collecting all the hearts and cake on the screen. As with most puzzle games we've come across, it's an interesting idea and slightly addicting! ...If it was on another game!
Like Tom and Jerry 3! ...To think I gave THAT game crap!
71. Eatting Worms. Exactly like Eatting Balls, only you're a smiley face with glasses eating worms. ...Eating balls? Eating worms? ...I may have picked up the Adults Only version by mistake...
72. Mars Mission. Almost exactly like Air War, only with Space Invaders elements. Just peek your head out from behind the barrier every so often, shoot the ships, and continue your journey to Mars! ...That's where you're going, right? ...I mean, we don't want ANOTHER game where the title has nothing to do with the game. Right?
73. Aerial Defence. It's just like Air-Raid Warden, only you're controlling a double-barreled tank! All the better to "defence" against Metal Slug planes! ...Actually, you're an even larger target, so you'll die sooner than your guy in Air-Raid Warden, so even that's a lie...
74. Compound Picture. If this is a Magic Eye picture, I'd rather stare at a black screen!
Actually, it's a puzzle game similar to Puzzle Fun on the Vs Maxx, which was a ripoff of the unlicensed Wisdom Boy game for the NES. Organize the shapes until they match the shape of the blue area. All the fun of organizing your luggage to fit in the trunk so you can finally go on a trip! ...Of which I am the world champion at! Seriously, I challenge you to challenge my mad suitcase-stuffing skillz!
75. Frog Jump. ...That is indeed what frogs do. I can't argue with that.
You push the button the make the frog jump to the next platform, then wait for the moving platforms to move into position and jump onto those. Later, rinse, repeat. The only thing different than most other versions of this game is that the frog follows the laws of inertia and will steer towards the direction the moving platform is going in when jumping, so you need to account for the distance it'll travel to the left/right when you hit the button. Otherwise, you'll learn how it ACTUALLY rained frogs and toads in Uruguay a few years ago!
We're in the homestretch! Just 25 games to go! ...How do I know it's 25, when the console boasts 788 games? Find out in the next chapter!
CLICK FOR PART 5
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