We've seen Pokémon in 8-bit. Now it's time to tackle some 16-bit games! ...And I'm not talking about the official jump from Game Boy to Game Boy Advance. I'm talking about the UNofficial jump from the NES/Famicom to the Genesis/Mega Drive! This is Pocket Monsters and Pocket Monsters 2 for the Genesis!
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Name: Pocket Monsters/Pocket Monsters 2
Developer: Chuanpu(?)
Release Date: 2000(?)
Console: Genesis/Mega Drive
Earlier this month, we looked at an unofficial Pokémon game for the Famicom/NES, simply called "Pocket Monster". While it had some good level designs and a hint of variety, it also had terrible controls, annoying glitches, and very little resemblance to the franchise other than a couple stolen assets, and was overall an unpleasant gaming experience. In other words, the quality we've come to expect by this point.
Today, we're tackling another unofficial Pokémon game! It has some good level designs and a hint of variety, but also terrible camera, annoying glitches, and very little resemblance to the franchise other than a couple stolen assets, and is overall an unpleasant gaming experience. ...But it's for the GENESIS! ...That's all I got for an opening. Let's crack the lid off this rusty Pokéball, and hopefully not find a juicy Pokémon corpse inside...
If I had to be excited about playing these games again, it's because I finally get to show off the knockoff Genesis cases these pirate 16-bit games usually come in! Because Sega packaged their games in these nice plastic cases, basically being the forefathers of game cases today, and because Genesis/Mega Drive games are still being (unofficially)made and sold to this day, most pirate Genesis games are also available with their own cases! As a collector, I couldn't be happier! ...Or, I guess I could be, if they also shipped a limited edition version that came with a 2k statuette of Pikachu that looked like someone sculpted it out of mashed potatoes during their 10 minute lunch break. To quote Igor from Dork Tower: "IT MUST BE MINE!"
I've already shown an example of a pirate Genesis case with one that held the cartridge of Hercules 2. However, that was a less common "homemade" case, which most games I've ordered directly from Russia have arrived in. ...Because the main modern market for Mega Drive games isn't as concerned with quality artwork, I guess...
These games and cases I bought off of Aliexpress, however, are nearly indistinguishable from the real thing! The layout is almost the exact same as most post-ESRB era Genesis/Mega Drive cases
From the red Genesis/blue Mega Drive stripe
To the Sega logo in the upper left
To the Sega Seal of Quality in the lower left
To even an "official" "Kids to Adults" rating from the "ESRB"! I guess the case designers never got the memo the rating is known today as "E" for "Everyone". ...Since 1998...
And it's all complemented with slightly off-center artwork for the game!
Which, being the norm, is stolen. This is a popular picture of Pikachu under a cherry/sakura tree you can find with a quick online search. I wasn't able to find the original artist, but this is a beautiful piece, and they deserve a lot of credit! ...More credit than these pirates gave them...
They recreated the title in a Pokémon-style font, which may be the same font I used to create the Pokémonth title cards. ...Good to know I'm on the same level as a pirate company...
The side also matches the case layout, with the title and Sega logo repeated, large text identifying the game's for the Genesis system
And a picture of a Pikachu taken straight from promotional artwork for Super Smash Bros Brawl. ...Really shouldn't remind potential players of better games they could be playing...
On the back, we have some blurry screenshots and more stolen Pokémon artwork, along with a description of the game we're about to play.
As we're told: "Pikachu I choose you! Join Ash and Pikachu as they travel across the world on their adventure. Guide Pikachu through massive forests, foreboding caves, and distant mountains. Battle wild Pocket Monsters and other strange creatures as you explore these wild environments and take Pikachu to new heights!"
"Don't let his cuteness fool you, this little guy is as tough as nails and full of surprises. It's up to you and Pikachu to help Ash become the best trainer in the world."
...Wow. Besides some improper punctuation, that was actually pretty competently written! Besides the fact they use the outdated "Pocket Monster" name, I don't have anything to complain about! I could believe this was actually written for a licensed Nintendo game! ...Or at the very least, by an English-speaking fan who knows what they're talking about.
I will laugh at how much clearer the text is than the images, though. ...Because I need something to laugh at...
At the bottom, we get some more official-looking text, most of it probably included with the template they used to make most of these Genesis cases. I need to laugh again at their one addition of the Pokémon copyright information, "All Rights Reserved." ...Sorry, guys. Nintendo has a problem when people feature their OFFICIAL games. There's no telling what horrible fate Nintendo has in store for people who illegally use their assets for their fan games. And on their former competitor's console!
The other game we're looking at today is Pocket Monster 2. Still wrapped in the plastic a lot of sellers like to ship these in, so this is a virgin unboxing! And at no point did I ever take this out, open it up to check the contents, then put it back in and reseal it! ...At no point...
It has the same format as the previous case, only with a different picture from the front. Unlike the previous case, I can't find if this artwork is stolen. However, because the Pikachu on the cover looks a lot like the Pikachu in the game, I could believe this was drawn specifically for this game. Originality for a bootleg product?! ...If you hear a strange scratching noise over the next few days, it's the sound of Satan skating to work!
The back is also laid out very similarly to the first case, with more blurry screenshots, more lifted text from the back of official Genesis cases, more game descriptions, and more stolen stock Pokémon artwork.
Special mention goes out to the "O RLY?!" Koffing! ...That's my face every time I pop in one of these games...
The story for this one goes as follows: "He's on a quest to be the best(like no one ever was)! Everyone's favorite Pocket Monster(actually, I prefer Cyndaquil) is back! Pikachu returns on a brand new adventure to explore the world and face off against new opponents. Join him on this fantastic journey and challenge the Pocket Monsters of the world(while Pokémon not of this world, like Deoxys, are off-limits)!"
"Unleash Pikachu's lightning fast agility and quick reflexes as you traverse the landscape and battle foes. Bounce off their backs or chuck Poké Balls at them. It's up to you and Pikachu to prove your skills(mostly Pikachu, since he's doing all the work)!"
Again, it's competently written, so there's nothing to complain about! ...And that's why I had to add some snark in between some of the lines. I have a reputation to keep, after all!
Nothing to mention about the cartridge art. The labels simply have cut down versions of the artwork on the cases, with end labels on the top. ...End labels that don't stick, but that's the case with all pirate Genesis cartridges I've come across, so it's not worth pointing out at this point.
However, the first Pocket Monster game comes with a nearly impossible to find element for unofficial games: An instruction manual! So before we pop the game in, let's take a quick look at what the booklet claims we're in for.
Most of the manual, I'm pretty sure they took straight from official Genesis manuals, particularly the technical and copyright information.
The original content is mostly shoptalk about the game and how to play. Once again, it's all translated nicely enough, so nothing to pick apart here.
I WILL draw attention to the story in the manual, opposite to the powerups list, which tells a slightly alternate story to the back of the case. I'm not typing the whole thing here this time, but I will give it to you in a nutshell. Ash and Pikachu were training super hard to become the very best, when Ash heard about an area filled with Pokémon, as well as other strange creatures(so now they have an excuse to lift sprites from other games!) Ash sent Pikachu to scout it out and practice his moves, so now Pikachu is on a quest of exploration and "self-discovery" as he takes on the challenges in front of him! His goal: To reach the end and hurry back to Ash!
Who probably went off to get ice cream. ...Probably won't even save any for Pikachu for the crap he just went through! ...Why do we like Ash, again?
The last page simply contains hints for the game. Hints that you'd discover within 5 minutes of playing the game, so what's the point?
Finally, on the back cover, we get an ad for Tiny Toon Adventures 3, another pirate game for the Genesis. ...Its day will come...
While no developers or publishers are named, it's suggested, at least by the Bootleg Games Wiki, that we once again have programmers from Chuanpu and it was published by X-Boy. I already went over them in my look at Hercules 2, and there's nothing else to add, so let's turn the game on and head off on our unauthorized Pokémon journey through Segaville!
The game starts with a pretty sweet intro. Ash grabs a Pokéball and throws it. It bursts open and a ball of light erupts from it, suggesting he's released Pikachu unto the world! ...Of course, anyone even remotely familiar with the show knows that Pikachu hates Pokéballs, and there's no chance Ash would ever shove Pikachu into one, so the sweet intro is also a sweet lie... Still, despite it being made with stolen stock artwork, it's impressive they created an intro that looks THIS good on a cheap pirate Genesis/Mega Drive game! If Nintendo ever creates a retro-themed Pokémon game, THIS has to be their intro!
What's even better than the animated intro? A cute little Pikachu waking up on the Menu screen! He wiggles his ears, blinks, then looks up at you and actually says "Pikachu", while the game's title rapidly cycles through colors! Once again, we see proof that, no matter how badly they botch the gameplay or the in-game sprites, every developer will still include Pikachu in all his adorableness somewhere!
It's so cute, you won't even notice this stretched-and-skewed Pikachu face spinning around the "O" in the title! ...I'd be frightened if I knew what I was looking at...
It doesn't even stop at the title screen! There's ANOTHER adorable Pikachu in the Option menu, who stares at you with its cute black eyes as it slightly hops up and down! ...It's slightly obscured in the shadows, heightening its creep factor a bit... But it's still cute!I've seen Mimikyu, and some VERY disturbing fanart, so this doesn't faze me in the slightest. That's TWO cute Pikachus, and the game hasn't even started! I'm seeing sunshine and roses for this playthrough!
...Enjoy the cuteness while you can. The rest of the game is anything but...
There are a total of 5 levels in this game, each one introduced with a title card of Ash's face, taken from his first appearance in the American Pokémon intro song, with the Stage number and the title overlaying it. ...And I know this is Ash trying to look determined and hopeful, but, since he doesn't have anything to do with the game, he looks like he's wondering what to order on his pizza while he waits for Pikachu to stop getting pummeled!
The game starts off in Stage 1: In the Forest. As you can probably surmise from a title like that, it takes place in a wooded, cartoony area, full of brightly colored enemies and easy-to-see platforms. ...At least they know how to design first levels! ...Actually, no they don't...
And here's the player-controlled Pikachu for the game! ...It doesn't even look like a Pikachu. The features and patterns are there, but the proportions are off! Pikachu looks a lot taller standing on two legs, the arms are much longer, and DAT FACE! It just doesn't look like a Pokémon face! It looks like Gopher from Winnie the Pooh had his DNA spliced with Curly from The Three Stooges! If you've ever wanted to know what an old-timey comedian would look like cosplaying as his favorite Pokémon, here's your oddly specific and disturbing fantasy come true! ...Now please, stay away from me...
His walk cycle also doesn't do him any favors... He walks perfectly level, with his arms swaying and his head shaking from side to side! ...Somebody had to be taking the piss with this animation, because there is NO way anyone could see this and not burst out laughing at how ridiculous it looks! This is the walk you do when you're TRYING to look hilarious, and TRYING to get people to laugh! ...Or you hit your head so hard, you've been dazed, yet you're still trying to look natural as you search for where you parked your car. ...It's not the walk of a hero!
Somebody get John Cleese on the phone! I think we have a new President for his ministry!
I guess the jumping animation makes Pikachu look alright. ...Though his eyes suggest he's about to meet his end on a sharp stick as soon as he lands...
Most pirate games show their flaws as soon as the game starts. This one, on the other hand... Does the exact same thing. The first problem is that the screen's too crowded! Right when you start the game, you're greeted by a monkey throwing apples and some weird dinosaur thing! No matter what your first move is, the monkey's ready to bash your skull in if you jump, while the dinosaur's more than willing to rip out your entrails if you try to duck underneath!
Just like Hercules 2, around every corner, there's something ready to kill you! Nearly every platform, every ledge, every tree branch has a monster ready to either throw something at you or ram into you like a cement truck late for a delivery! And because of how big your sprite is, it's INSANELY difficult to find enough of an area where you can land and dodge these attacks, especially with how many monsters or other obstacles are onscreen at the time! Unless you play each level a half-infinite amount of times and know EXACTLY where each monster is going to be and what arc each projectile will be thrown in, you're not making it past the first screen!
Especially since this game contains the bane of a lot of badly programmed platformers of the 90s: RESPAWNING ENEMIES! You can kill the enemies to death, but as soon as you walk off the screen, they've reappeared, waiting for you to walk right back into their open arms! ...So they can tear you apart and make Pikasushi!
Even if you get past the dinosaurs, good luck with the reappearing, branch-hogging, apple-throwing monkeys! ...The most lethal of all Pokémon!
Also, health pickups in this game are next to useless. ...At least on Hard difficulty. These small hearts you find occasionally(emphasis on "occasionally") heal 10 Hearts each, to a maximum of 99, as shown in the upper-left corner. ...However, each hit from an enemy will drain FIFTEEN Hearts on Hard difficulty, so, unless you play this game for a ridiculously long time(as I unfortunately had to do), grabbing the hearts after finally escaping the enemies on the first screen is the equivalent of applying a band-aid to your stump of a leg! ...I'm being rather gory in this review, aren't I? ...I'll tone it down.
But let's say you overcome the first two game flaws(the overcrowding and the respawning enemies) and get past the first screen with little damage. ...Well, then you're greeted by the game's FATAL flaw: The camera! ...Oh god. The camera!
Unfortunately, like bad controls, a bad camera is hard to demonstrate, and you won't get the whole picture unless you play this for yourself, but trust me when I say game may have the WORST camera I've ever had to endure in a 2D platformer! Its goal is to keep Pikachu in the middle of roughly the first or last third of the screen, depending on if Pikachu's going right or left, moving every time Pikachu takes a step or jumps. This, by itself, is annoying, but still manageable, and nowhere near as bad as Donkey Kong Country 4.
However, it's VERY easy to outrun(or outsmart) the camera! By simply going one direction, then turning around and trying to go the other way, the camera struggles to keep up with Pikachu and you're given VERY little visibility of what's around you, usually leading to you slamming right into the pointy end of a Beedrill or Porygon! ...If you're lucky!
But the bigger camera issue is its size in relation to everything else. In other words, the camera's zoomed in WAAAAAYYYYY too close for a game with sprites and an area this big! Even if you're not rapidly turning around, you're given basically no idea of where you're going to land, where the next platform is, or what and how many enemies you'll run into! The size of the screen is so compressed, it's like playing a game with your face right up against the TV! And about as comfortable!
It's at least as bad as the GBA port of Earthworm Jim! If not more, since Pocket Monster's camera can't even keep up with the player! And if you've messed up a camera worse than the Earthworm Jim port, PLEASE STOP PROGRAMMING!
Now, giant sprites in a game aren't necessarily a bad thing. I've played ToeJam & Earl in Panic on Funkotron, which had quite massive sprites, and that was a decent(if not boring) game. ...But the size of the sprites has to match the type of game and how much time the player has to react! Panic on Funkotron is a relatively calm game, with only a few enemies on screen to worry about at a time. There are few obstacles outside of the occasional annoying human or heavy object, so the player has plenty of time to react and focus on the things in their way, then look for the next bit of trouble. Large sprites, slow gameplay. That's the lesson.
Pocket Monster, as I stated before, is anything BUT slow! There's ALWAYS something in your way, some mobile enemy or other hazard waiting just offscreen to ruin your day! You can never tell what's right in front of you, and you're given NO time to prepare, leading to a LOT of cheap hits! And since the camera's ALWAYS moving, you're never given the opportunity to orient yourself and prepare for the next jump! Especially since enemies will respawn as soon as the camera's off their spawn point!
Oh, and since you have no idea where anything is, expect to make a LOT of leaps of faith, most of which will send you plummeting to your red-and-yellow splattered doom... Only through trial and error and a LOT of memorization do you have ANY chance of making it halfway through a level alive! ...The other half is left completely up to luck, so I hope you have some left over from the Celadon casino...
Anyway, back to the game itself. Like the first Pocket Monster game, it's a standard platformer where the goal is to make your way from one end of the area to the other. However, I'll give the game credit that there's slightly more to it than the game made for 8-bit consoles. After all, this is the Genesis era! We don't want to just go from left-to-right! We want to go UP as well!
And that's how the levels are laid out. The goal is still to head all the way to the right, but they also built the occasional sidetrack to another area, so it's not as straightforward as most other platformers of the era they're copying.
Most of these paths lead to bonuses like Extra Lives. And considering how many times you're going to die in this game, hoard these like it's the end of the world and they're the only remaining sustenance left on the planet!
Other things to look out for are the previously mentioned Hearts, and these Small and Big Batteries, which recharge your Thunder Shock
Which, like in the original Pocket Monster game, clears the screen of all enemies. While it barely had a purpose in the 8-bit game, it comes in handy here when you're stuck behind a wall of enemies! ...Or if you've restarted the level for the 20th time and you're impatient to get past certain sections...
The other attack is the standard "knock-enemies-on-the-noggin" method 4 out of 5 cutesy platformers use, but be warned! The hit detection is miserable in this game, so unless you hit them from the very top, you'll more than likely be damaged instead. Also, no post-hit invulnerability, so unless you get away IMMEDIATELY, your hit points will instantly drain, and you don't need any additional help with that...
Also, don't worry about these Crystals. Theoretically, if you collect 100, you gain an Extra Life. However, like Sonic, Pikachu drops them all if he's hit. Unlike Sonic, you don't get them back, and with how often you're going to be hit, it's not likely you're going to be seeing any benefit from collecting crystals. I mean, you're not Shirley MacLaine! ...And that reference flew over your heads faster than a supersonic jet on nitrous oxide...
Once you have all the basics down, it's time to... Die. ...Yes, if I didn't make it clear by now, there's going to be a LOT of dying if you play this game! Whether it's from the camera screwing you over, or the multitude of hard-to-hit enemies, or the blind jumps into large pits you can't see(ESPECIALLY the large pits you can't see), you have about as much chance of making it through the first level within your first few dozen tries as you do going against the Elite Four with a Level 3 Magikarp! ...And if you do go against the Elite Four with a Level 3 Magikarp, please send me the video. Whichever way it goes will be hilarious!
But, let's say you DO have enough patience to get through the first level. What else do you need to watch out for? Well...
Stage 1 features a sub-boss(the only one in the game) in the middle of the level that must be defeated before you can progress. It's a giant Pinsir, that will walk left and right, and occasionally stop and try to crush you with his mandibles. ...Which are on top of his head, while his mouth is on front of his face. ...So what's the point of having mandibles?
Simply hang out on one of the platforms, jump on him when he's in the area, and repeat until squashed. It's that simple.
Once you're on your 25th attempt of this level, you'll have even mastered repeatedly jumping on him without giving him a chance to fight back! ...This will be the one bit of fun you'll have with a boss in this game...
After Pinsir's been given the Raid, the second half of the level opens up, so just go on your merry way as usual, squashing these caterpillars that look like they come from Metroid. Two franchises with Ice Beam. Coincidence? ...Probably.
At the end of the level, you'll encounter Diglett's Cave, home of its namesake. The tunnels are long and narrow, and the Digletts pop up nearly to the ceiling, but if you're quick, you can squash them before they do any damage. ...And unfortunately, they don't flip over and disappear when they're defeated, so the mystery of the bottom half of a Diglett is still unsolved...
Once you get to the top, the level's boss appears: a Snorlax! ...A VERY agile Snorlax, as it attacks by using Rollout and bouncing all around the arena, becoming nearly impossible to avoid! ...Did I mention you will die?
This is EASILY one of the hardest bosses in the entire game, to the point I'd probably rank it 2nd overall! Not only does he take up a good amount of space and he has a completely random attack pattern, but the camera once again proves itself the REAL villain! You're never given a full view of the arena, so if you hop offscreen to avoid an attack, Snorlax will disappear and you won't know where he pops up again! You can run right into him without knowing! And since health pickups throughout the game are few and far between, you're likely running on fumes at this point, so a few lucky hits, and you're TKO!
What you need to do, as with all bosses in the game, is repeatedly jump on it every chance you get. Post-hit invulnerability also doesn't exist for Boss characters, so find an opportunity, jump on him, and keep up the pattern until dead!
However, as with everything else in this game, this is more easily said than done, because this sucker takes a LOT of hits! You'll find a pattern and get in a good number of strikes, but soon become confused and frustrated that the guy's still going and eventually mess up, allowing it to recover and score a few hits! And by the time you're back in the rhythm, your health counter is nearly depleted! If you're lucky enough to score another hit!
And it's one of THOSE games again! There are no checkpoints, so if you lose a life, you're sent back to the beginning of the level! You get to keep your Battery counter, but you'll need to go through the level ALL OVER AGAIN! And that includes the Pinsir sub-boss! In total, it took me THIRTY-TWO attempts before I finally, FINALLY, completed the level! In the time it took me to attempt those attempts, I could have booted up Pokémon Yellow, had a fresh start, and caught my own Snorlax! ...Which reminds me, I need to feature Pokémon Yellow for the NES one of these days. ...Comparatively speaking, a much calmer game...
I don't have an actual strategy to recommend for this boss. Just get to the end of the level with as much health as you can, seize every opportunity to jump on him as many times as you can, and BE PATIENT! It takes (the ironic number of)THIRTY-TWO hits to finally shock Snorlax for good! Then he can go have a nice rest for a month, blocking a town's water supply and nearly killing all the residents. ...Yes, really...
And that was Pocket Monster for the Genesis. It was quite a slog, but it was short, and the graphics were pretty good, so, overall, I'd give it the score of-
...Oh, wait. That was only the first level...
The next level is Stage 2: It's HOT. Aptly titled, because Pikachu has somehow journeyed from a cute, colorful forest to an alien, lava-filled, post-apocalyptic wasteland! ...Seriously! How did we go from Ferngully to the SIXTH CIRCLE OF HELL?! And this is the SECOND level! ...Ash is going to be slowly sliced in half by Pikachu's sharp tail once he makes it back... IF he makes it back!
Unlike the straightforward first level, this stage is a bit of a maze, taking Pikachu left, right, up, down, wherever, whenever in an attempt to find the exit. This involves climbing up and down these bone-like trees, dodging flying horseshoe crabs
Crossing lakes of fire(and probably brimstone)
And jumping on green rhinos wearing armor, and demon crabs! ...Somebody was coming down off of a REALLY bad trip when designing this level! Not even in my worst, NyQuil-induced nightmares could I have ever pictured this level existing!
Make yourself comfortable, because you're going to be here a while! There are a number of branching paths and dead ends, some of them leading to the next area, some leading to goodies at the end, and some leading to absolutely nothing. Either watch the included video to know the exact path to take, or have fun exploring the children's anime version of Dante's Inferno and jumping on man-crab hybrids!
Actually, jumping on the enemies IS one of the best parts of the game! Due to the glitchy hit detection, it's hard to jump on the monsters without taking damage, but it's rewarding, since each monster is given its own cry of defeat as it runs off! Monkeys say "Pi!", dragons belch, spaceships make a cracking sound, rhinos roar, the list goes on. It's a little interesting to "Tackle" each enemy and hear what they sound like. Especially since you're going to be tackling a large number of different enemies and their respawns!
Pikachu himself even says "Pikachu" when he's hit! ...Not in a cry of pain or fear, but just the same friendly sound clip used on the title screen. Good to know Pikachu is keeping calm while demons from hell are trying to rip him apart!
My absolute favorite cry of any monster, however, is from the crab things. When hit, they'll actually play one of Michael Jackson's "Ooohhh!" sound bites from the Genesis/Mega drive version of Moonwalker! And why not? They've been hit by- They've been Thunderstruck by- A smooth Pikachu!
Just keep some of that hilarity in mind as you try to dodge the cast of near-unavoidable flying horseshoe crabs that fly around the spine trees. ...That's a sentence I just said...
Once you find the end of the level, the Boss section luckily takes place in its own zone. If you die, you'll simply respawn at the beginning of the boss fight, without having to traverse the maze again!
UNluckily, this is another of the hardest bosses in the game! It's a terrifying amalgamation of a Charizard and Blastoise with a shell like a Subway sandwich that randomly spins around the level's floor! It takes up almost half of the screen, it's too large to leap over from ground level, and the rocks you have to jump on to avoid his attacks crumble almost instantly, not even giving you enough time to jump over it!
It also seems to hone in on you, constantly spinning around your location until you fall into its vortex! And, since there's no post-hit invincibility, your health counter will deplete in seconds!
Not to mention the pit in the middle of the arena that'll insta-kill you if you accidentally jump into it! ...You really want to stop at this, developers? Don't want to give him unavoidable chainguns that hit Pikachu wherever he is and instantly kills him? No message afterwards about how the player sucks and his mother wishes she never had them? Didn't want to build an explosive device into the cartridge that detonates as soon as the life bank empties and kills the player and everyone around them? You've implemented everything else! BE CREATIVE!
However, despite the initial difficulty of fighting Chartoise, I can't put it at or near the top of the Hardest Bosses list for the game, since there IS a strategy to this battle. ...Or at least your standard "pirate game oversight" exploit. If you stand near the wall and continually jump, it's somehow unable to Rapid Spin into you!
...Most of the time. Sometimes, Blastzard will get lucky and give Pikachu a few knocks. I think it has to do with the timing of the jumps and how close the amalgamation comes before it starts spinning, but it seemed to happen at random no matter where Pikachu was in his jump, so I have no conclusive results to share.
Still, just keep jumping at the wall, sometimes jumping onto the rock right above you, wait until it sticks its head out, bounce on its noggin, and repeat until it's had enough! ...Then contact the Kanto Humane Society and report illicit Pokémon breeding gone awry... Hopefully, they'll put this poor abomination out of its misery...
Next is Stage 3: Jump Around. Jump Around! Jump Around! Jump Up, Jump Up and Get Down!
The title's not kidding. Practically the entire level is one big pit! Your goal is to make it to the other side by jumping from one small platform to another, dodging the various flying enemies. Including Gastly, here! I guess he's taking a break from possessing psychics at the Lavender Town Tower. Nobody will notice. There are more Gastlys there than cops at a Dunkin' Donuts shop.
The camera has been painfully bad throughout the game, but this is where its issues come to a head! Because you can't see everything around you, and because the camera's constantly moving as you're jumping, many of the platforms are completely hidden offscreen! Nearly every other jump is a leap of faith, as you try to judge where the next platform is! There are no hints, and the enemy placements don't suggest anything, so the level boils down to trial and error! Like a clown, you fall down...
The game even tries to trick you at certain points! I don't see a platform, but I DO see a line of crystals. That's a hint from the programmers, right? The platform must be under the crystals, just out of sight, right?
Once you jump, you finally get a good glimpse of where the platform is! ...Right before you plummet to your death. You had to have the feeling to jump ACROSS the crystals!
Well, now we know who the chief designer was!
Since the level is based almost solely around jumping from platform to platform, there's not much else to say about it, nor any hints I can give. It all boils down to memorization and lucky jumps. Just get used to the cheap deaths, and you'll eventually make it. Just JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP, JUMP!
Also, what's with the tanks with Munchlax's face? Who didn't even exist when this game was released! ...Eh, I don't care. His mug's a funk fest, and that's talking junk.
Eventually, you'll arrive at the end level boss. ...Who looks like a combination of a triceratops, a frilled lizard, and a pine cone! I think this is from another Sega game, but I don't play that console out enough...
This guy is EASY! Almost painfully so! All he does is run around, trying to buck, buck you down, so just rise to the top and jump on him every time he passes! Get used to this style and don't switch!
The only major obstacle you'll encounter, besides the ever-moving camera that might briefly hide the boss, is BOREDOM! This boss has more hit points than the Bible's got Psalms, so you'll likely become with the repetition and briefly focus on something else, only to completely lose the pattern and let him bust ya in the eye! If your hit points are low enough by this point, you'll go out like a punk and wake up in the Dawn of the Dead.
But, just like the Prodigal Son, you'll return! When he steps towards you, he'll get burned! You got the skill, give him his fill! Duel to the death until he draws his last breath! In other words: SERVE HIM LIKE JOE MCENROE!
Hello? ...If I use any more House of Pain lyrics, I'll have to pay them a royalty? ...Alright. I was done anyway.
...Why do I suddenly own an archaic landline telephone?
Stage 4: Underground. A level that takes place completely ABOVE ground, and is, in fact, centered around jumping on floating platforms that touch the very top of the sky. ...Maybe they just had the David Bowie song playing in the background when they named this level?
Compared to the rest of the game, this stage is EASY! It's a mostly platform-based stage with wide, solid areas to walk on, not very many enemies to worry about, and, since it's comprised mostly of walking, the camera's most cooperative here! It's what Stage 1 SHOULD have been, as it's a good way to get accustomed to the controls and awkward camera without having to worry about falling into a pit every 5 seconds! ...In fact, are we sure they didn't mix up Stages 1 & 4? ...They mixed up the name for this stage, so anything goes at this point...
There are only two major hazards to watch out for during this stage. The first is the enemy placement. Since the stage is focused around jumping to higher and higher platforms, enemies are usually placed right above the platform you're jumping from! And with their erratic patterns, it's difficult to judge if an enemy will be out of the way when you make the jump. Or you might not even have time to judge, since you'll need to jump to avoid an enemy, only to get hit by the enemy above it!
The flying enemy placement is even worse at the very top of the screen. Since Pikachu can't jump beyond the boundaries of the screen, there's VERY little room to jump on a flying enemy who's also nearly at the very top of the screen! With the game's already wonky hit detection, it makes hitting these monsters nearly impossible! It's better to just jump through and take the hit than try to clear the monsters from the screen and risk taking more!
The second hazard are the many spike pits. Nearly the whole level, save for some ground-level platforming, is full of spikes, ready to impale you as soon as you slip off a platform! It's not as bad as Stage 1 and its many pits, and FAR from Stage 3 and its 50/50 chance of plummeting to your doom, but it is a source of many cheap deaths if you don't watch your step or fall from the wrong position. ...Just don't try to practice for the Olympic High Diving event here, ok?
Also, don't stand on falling platforms. ...Good advice for life in general.
Besides those issues, this level is, comparatively anyway, a walk in the PokéPark! Just walk and jump across the platforms, avoid as many enemies as you can, and look for these caverns with hidden goodies in them. Just go along, keeping an eye out for hazards, and you'll reach the end with... Maybe half health? ...I'm trying to be optimistic.
It doesn't matter how much health you have at the end, because the boss is an absolute pushover! Even more than the last guy! He's a Gengar that sometimes leaps at you, sometimes runs to you, but is ALWAYS too slow!
The only way you're going to take a hit is if you both leap at the same time, or the hit detection goofs again and jumping on him registers as a hit to YOU! ...Both events are unlikely to occur.
Just keep jumping on him, get out of his way when necessary, and eventually, you'll knock him out! He even has a knocked-out pose, which none of the other bosses have! ...So, if we're going by the original franchise's canon that Ghost Pokémon are actually dead humans and Pokémon, I think we can safely assume this Gengar exists because someone or something was too slow to notice the oncoming Magnet Train... Probably should have put that in its resumé before applying for a boss position in this game...
Finally, we arrive at Stage 5: Hard Rock. ...No, you're not fighting your way out of a music-themed café using one of Jon Bon Jovi's legendary axes. ...But you ARE on the last level, so that's hopefully exciting enough!
The first half is a breeze, to the point that it's arguably the easiest part of the game! Just jump from platform to platform, dodging the occasional bird and spike pit. By this point, you can do this with your eyes closed! Both hands tied behind your back! On a tightrope dangling 5000 feet over a canyon! While doing your income tax! With Rammstein playing right behind you with the volume turned up to 11! ...Actually, that would be awesome. Send me the video!
The second half, on the other hand, is much more of a pain... After getting past these weird crumbling/reforming platforms
You then have to traverse these very closed-in tunnels, which are SWARMING with enemies! Not only that, but you encounter the exact same problem as the last level: Not enough space to jump! The enemies take up nearly all the space between the floor and ceiling, and Pikachu can't jump through the ceiling! Unless you're EXTREMELY lucky, you're not going to have enough space to kill off the monsters!
Without a perfect sense of timing, it's impossible to get through this section without completely draining your health counter!
Hope you've been saving up your Thunder Shock...
Thankfully, the tunnel section isn't that long. Once you've smashed this pink flower thing at the end, the door to the end boss opens! Finally, the end of your quest is near! Your quest to... What was Pikachu's goal, again?
The final boss is an Onix, who poses and attacks just like a snake! If you thought the previous bosses were difficult and tedious, this guy will test EVERYTHING you have! Your speed, your reflexes, your skills, your controller quality, your knowledge of the game to this point, and, especially, your patience will all come under fire in this final encounter against a Pokémon that's attacking you because... Reasons?
Onix's deal is that he'll pose like a cobra, waving back and forth, before suddenly lurching forward and attacking where Pikachu currently is! The way I'm describing it, he doesn't sound that difficult, but the problem is you never know WHEN he'll strike, or how many times in a row he'll strike! It's COMPLETELY random when he decides to attack, and the fact he's stationary and you can't see him when you're in the "safe zone" makes this one of the most aggravating boss fights I've ever had to get through in a pirate game!
When he attacks, you have a split second to jump and land on his head, then ANOTHER split second to get out of the way of his next attack! And because it happens so fast, you're more likely to unintentionally DODGE him than hit him! ...Or you can end up jumping right into an invulnerable section or into his next attack... Anything's possible...
If you're particularly brave(or stupid), you can try to jump on his head when it's extended just past the protective platform above him. This is a good way to score a few hits without risking getting hit.
However, if you miss, you fall into his "strike zone", and, unless you get out IMMEDIATELY, before he starts his attack animation, you'll soon learn the relationship between a snake and a mouse...
Also, no Thunder Shock ability. You actually start the stage with your Battery counter drained, so no special attacks allowed. ...I guess it doesn't matter. Electric attacks have no effect on Rock/Ground Pokémon anyway...
Again, there's no actual strategy for this fight, nor any glitches to exploit that makes fighting this guy easier. Just seize every opportunity to jump on him, continually preemptively jump to avoid his random strikes, and hope you can beat him before he beats you! ...Which, since he takes 48 hits to finally fell, and you can only take 7 on Hard, that's a monumentally Herculean effort at the same level as going against Gary at the end of the game with your Pikachu. ...That you've never trained past his starting level!
As with many other games we've seen on KCC, you will die
And die
And die
And die
And die
And DIE!
Thankfully, this is another boss that takes place in a separate arena, so when you die, you start at the beginning of the fight.
However, by this point, you're probably drained and running on fumes. And I don't just mean your energy and mental health. Unlike the original Pocket Monster game, this game only has a limited amount of continues. While you can change how many lives and continues you have from the Options menu before you start the game, the maximum is 5 each, giving you roughly 25 chances to beat the game(not counting the Extra Lives scattered across the levels.) That's not a lot! ESPECIALLY on this final boss fight!
Still, you do get another cute Pikachu on the Continue screen! ...Once you click past the badly hurt Pikachu...
But once you're out, that's it. You start the game ALL OVER AGAIN! And with how hard it was to get to the end, you're going to have a hard time convincing yourself to play again from the beginning...
Me, however, I'm stupid. Too stupid to know when I'm beat! I played this game countless times to try to complete it, fallen down an infinite amount of pits, gotten my butt handed to me on a silver platter by every enemy in the game 4 dozen times each, and broken so many controllers, I could retire on the amount I'd earn selling the parts! ...But I did it!
And once the final boss is hit for the final time, it is GLORIOUS! Everything goes into slow motion, as Onix crumbles before you!A mighty titan of rock, beaten by a mouse with static cling! ...Probably should have held out until you got the King's Rock, Onix...
Thus the game ends, the final screen being a herd of Pikachu, all staring adorably into the camera. ...An acceptable reward!
And that was Pocket Monster for the Genesis! It had nothing to do with Pokémon. ...But it had something. A something that made the game a game! ...Which is more than I can say for some OFFICIAL Pokémon games! ...Like Pokémon Dash...
Before we wrap up, let's take a quick look at the sequel possibly made by the same people that came out approximately a year later: Pocket Monster 2. There's no opening cutscene, but we're once again given cute Pikachus on both the title screen and the Options menu! And, in the end, isn't that all that matters?
Even the in-game Pikachu is adorable! It actually looks like a creature this time, and not a 40-year-old entertainer-for-hire dressed up for some kid's themed birthday party! Sure, it's still not a perfect representation, with how flat it looks, how long the front legs look, and them forgetting the brown on his tail, but I can at least believe it's a representation of a Pikachu!
...Except maybe for the frontal view. ...Attention, artists: When drawing Pikachu, don't use a chipmunk as a basis!
Right off the bat, this game is a HUGE improvement over its predecessor! The levels are MUCH more straightforward and wide, with most of the enemies spaced far enough apart that you're not going to accidentally jump into them trying to avoid other obstacles in your way! The hit detection is also much more accurate, and you're not in (as much)danger of taking a hit when you jump on an enemy in your way! Sure, enemies still respawn, but since you'll be traveling in one direction for long periods of the level, and the camera is much better, you're not going to end up turning around and getting pummeled by an enemy you just bounced on! ...Unless you want to.
Speaking of the camera, it is SO much better than the previous game! It catches up to Pikachu much faster, and because the levels are more "level" and there aren't as many random platforms, it's not constantly jumping around and trying to find a position to see Pikachu from, while hiding obstacles in his way! And because the levels are much more spaced out, and the sprites are smaller, I don't feel like we're zoomed in so close to the sprites, we can count every individual pixel! It's not perfect, and you can still end up outrunning it if you change direction too many times, but it's a VAST improvement over the headache that was the last game's camera!
There are a few original alterations, as well. Instead of Pikachu's Thunder Shock, his special attack is throwing Pokéballs at enemies, which act as normal-damage projectiles. It's a limited-use attack, replenished by finding clusters of Pokéballs strewn about the level, which replace the Crystals from the previous game. ...Unfortunately, as with that game, getting hit instantly empties your Pokéball stash, so you're not going to get much use out of it. There's another reason not to throw Pokéballs, but I'll get to that in a second.
The game also has an original roster of enemies, including more Pokémon than the previous game! If your dream was to jump on Electrodes or Pidgeottos, wish granted! ...Why you wasted a wish on that, I'll never know...
Now, all because the level is more spaced out and enemies aren't as packed together and unavoidable, doesn't mean the game's not easier than the original. ...If anything, it might be a little harder! Enemies still have erratic attack patterns, and it's still possible to run straight into them if you don't know where they are! All because they're easier to hit doesn't mean they can't still hit you!
Though there's this weird glitch, in your favor, where flying enemies will act like they've been jumped on. ...Despite you being nowhere near them... I guess the programmers decided you were given enough heart attacks from Pokémon suddenly popping up in the first game, so they decided it was your opponents' turn!
Hard difficulty has been made even harder, with Pikachu only given TWO hit points before he's knocked out! ...Hence why I had to switch to Easy for this game...
Since the level's based around climbing up platforms, we get the classic annoyance of bad level design where if you miss a jump, you fall all the way to the bottom of the level and have to start again! This is known as the "Bart vs. The World feature!"
Not to mention you're still required to make blind jumps and falls, which may/may not leave you plummeting into a bed of spikes! ...Because it was so much fun in Level 4 of the previous game!
The sound effects have also been changed to much more stock and boring sounds. Instead of the individual cries and other vocal effects from the first game, most of the sound is taken directly from the 16-bit Sonic the Hedgehog series, including the *dings* of the rings, the *pop* from breaking the monitors, the *crash* from breaking rocks, etc. Pikachu doesn't even cry "Pikachu" when hurt! You got it backwards, guys! You're supposed to use the stolen and stock effects for the FIRST game, then add your own takes on sound and music for the SECOND game! What are you? Some third-rate pirate company quickly churning out bootleg games for a console generation long since passed? ...Oh...
Still, on the whole, I have to say I enjoyed this game more than the first. The graphics are better, the animations are more fluid, the levels are far less crowded, and the gameplay feels much more "real"! It has its problems, but I could at least believe it was officially released for the console. ...After a graphics overhaul, since I don't think Nintendo would allow one of their most successful and profitable properties to be released on their competitor's console...
Unfortunately, I can't give a proper overview or review of the game due to one fatal flaw: I CAN'T COMPLETE IT! Not in a "it's too hard or boring for me to care" sense, but the game is LITERALLY impossible to beat! It constantly freezes up on the second level, with no way to continue or fix this glitch! You'll just be wandering along, everything running smoothly, when the game locks up, ending your fun!
Sometimes, it'll get so impatient, it won't even wait for the second level to freeze!
This isn't just a problem with my copy, either! I've tried different cartridges and ROMs, and it's the same every time! I read that throwing Pokéballs is the cause of the lockup, so I played without throwing a single ball. ...No luck. It freezes no matter what I do! I've seen full playthroughs online, so it's possible the copies I've tried are stuck with some anti-piracy measure(and BOY, is that irony) which crashes unofficial versions of the game, and there's some copy out there that's been cracked, but I haven't been able to find it. So until one magically pops up somewhere, that ends our Pokémon Adventure: Second Quest!
And there you have Pocket Monsters 1 and Pocket Monsters 2 for the Genesis/Mega Drive. ...But, before we leave, it's time for the Pirate PokéRap! So, with the instrumental in your head, let's begin!
PrimElf
Dovakin
Porygon
Bugeyesaur
Beedrill
Pinsir
Ironpillar
Diglett
Snorlax
Krabflee
Arthro
Saucer
Armino
Chartoise/Blastzard
Chirpadee
Gastly
Hagfly
Puffychirp
Lyzardking
Gulpbit
Kalvyn
Citruslither
TwoLip
Gengar
Golbat
Onix!
Gotta Catch 'Em All! Gotta Catch 'Em All!
Gotta Catch 'Em All! Gotta Catch 'Em All!
Gotta Catch 'Em All! Pokémon! ...At least some of them? ...I think?
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I couldn't properly review Pocket Monster 2, so I'm leaving it out of the scores below.
Design: The cartridge and box are designed almost exactly like a real Genesis cart and case! The case has the same layout as something you'd find from Sega back in the day, with a red border around a central picture, the name of the console contained in the left side, and screenshots and information about the game on the back! The cartridge simply has the same border and artwork as the case, but I'm impressed with how hard they tried to replicate the official thing! And the fact it has a manual deserves MANY bonus points! The pictures could have been ORIGINAL artwork, actually giving us an idea of what the game's like, but what they chose looks convincing, at least. On the whole, I'm REALLY glad Genesis cases and games are still being produced today, so we can have a little bit of retro nostalgia, like we have here.
Controls: The controls are, surprisingly, not that bad! They're responsive, they're easy to learn, and I don't need to press more than one button to complete an action. Pikachu jumps at a fixed height and stops walking instantly when the buttons are let go, so the frustration of having to account for the original Pocket Monster's "sliding" isn't here! I have many complaints about the game, but controlling the main character isn't one of them.
Graphics: The graphics are nice, detailed, and very "Genesis". The background graphics give most of the areas a sense of depth and location, and the parallax scrolling gives a "realistic" sense of distance as you run through the level. The foreground graphics are textured very well, with a nice array of colors and very few repeated elements. I don't know if these assets are stolen from another game, or they were created especially for this game, but they look great and create convincing layouts. I can believe we're in a forest, or a warehouse, or a dark park of the woods, or HELL ITSELF! Most of the sprites also look great! I can tell one from another, each one has a unique design and coloring, and the Pokémon created from the ground up for this game look just like the Pokémon from the official games! ...Except for Pikachu. I don't know what they were using as a model, but while the features and colors are present, it looks much more like an adult human wearing a homemade Pikachu costume! Everything, from the face to the arms to the walk, feels like they were intentionally trying to make the sprite look goofy! ...And there were enough goofy monsters from other franchises in this game, already, so that wasn't needed... I guess my major complaint about the graphics, besides the Pikachu sprite, is WHAT DO THESE LOCATIONS OR MONSTERS HAVE TO DO WITH POKEMON?! I can buy the layouts of Stage 1 and Stage 5, and Stage 4 to a degree, but why is Pikachu running through Hell itself?! Why is he facing off against mutant crabs, monkeys, dragons, and... Whatever the boss of Stage 3 is?! I don't know if they just took level layouts from other games, randomly picked out 5, and called it a day, but the layouts don't match the cutesy and/or mysterious ambiance of Pokémon games, and the progression makes no sense! Why are we in a forest, then Hell, then a factory, then grasslands, then deeper in a forest? It's almost like pirate games have no rhyme or reason! ...Still, everything looks good, and I guess that's what counts in this category. ...But if I play Pocket Monster 2 and Pikachu is aboard the USS Enterprise, I'm going to lose it...
Music & Sound: The music for this game is surprisingly really good! Unlike most of the games I feature, I CAN remember the tracks and what levels they belong to! Everything's funky, upbeat, and matches the location it's assigned to. Stage 1 has a calm, bubblegummy background track for the bright forest, Stage 2 has a more surreal and mysterious score for the hell planet, Stage 3 has an industrial vibe for the mechanical nature of the warehouse/factory, Stage 4 shares Stage 1's music, and Stage 5 has a determined and fast-paced feel as you march against the end boss! The two self-contained bosses of Stage 2 and Stage 5 also share the same music, which is a fast-paced track of near-desperation as you battle a giant, near-invincible monster! I'm sure all the music was stolen from other games, but they chose the right tracks to steal to match the game's shifting tone, and it's not as obvious(or blaring) as BMB's random music library. I'd gladly listen to this game's soundtrack if I found each track for a playlist! The sounds are also quite good, though a little sparse. We have sounds for collecting items, for jumping on enemies, for the Thunder Shock, even different landing sounds for the different types of platforms Pikachu can land on! Landing on solid ground can produce a loud *crash*, while landing on a wooden platform produces a dull *thunk*, which is more effort than even modern games give their environments! However, the best sounds are when the monsters are defeated, as most let out a unique cry when they're blown away! Roars, chirps, thunks, Michael Jackson shrieks, all here, and all ready to be revealed! Even Pikachu gives his trademark cry whenever he's hurt, and sampled voicework is ALWAYS awesome on a cartridge game! Again, I'm sure everything's stolen, but the work they do with what they pulled from other games is impressive! ...Besides, decrying them for using other people's work to make their own would be hypocritical...
Gameplay: It's a pretty standard platformer, but with just enough variety to keep me from applying the label "barebones". The goal for each Stage is the same: Get to the end of the level, avoid the monsters and other hazards, and fight the boss at the end. There's no real strategy to anything, just repeatedly jump on things that can be killed and avoid things that can't. The only major gameplay addition all Pocket Monster games have is the Thunder Shock secret weapon that can be used to clear the screen when things get tight. Besides that, it's the same gameplay pioneered by Super Mario Bros. However, there is a bit of variety for each stage that keeps things interesting. Every level is different, with a different layout, different elements, and mostly different enemies. There are branching paths to take, a need to change directions, and different areas to explore to find hidden powerups! They're not as major or game-changing as similar games, but it's nice to play a game where I don't just hold down the Right button and jump every so often! I get to hold down LEFT as well! Plus I need to solve a maze on Stage 2! All the elements of a simple-yet-fun platformer are here! ...Unfortunately, the flaws this game has are MAJOR, and render the game nearly unplayable! I can forgive the large spike pits, the enemy hits that take away a lot of health, the limited Continues, and the boss fights that go on forever, since I was playing on Hard, and a lot of these elements are reminiscent of "classic" game difficulty of the Genesis era. ...What I CAN'T forgive is the wonky hit detection, the awkward placement of enemies that makes it difficult to jump on or avoid them without taking a hit, the respawns that occur as soon as you walk 10 feet away, and, of course, THE CAMERA! The camera NEVER focuses, always wandering around and focusing on everything BUT Pikachu and where he needs to jump. And because the sprites are so big and camera is zoomed so far in, you're never allowed to see around your environment, leading to SO many collisions and leaps of faith, that it comes down to luck and memorization if you'll make it through each stage! With how much is going on, and how much there is to kill you, unless you've played each level to the point you could draw it in your sleep, you're going to meet cheap death after cheap death. In a nutshell, the gameplay is fine, if a little ordinary. ...But fire the camera operator...
Replay Value: You're going to be replaying these levels a LOT as you try to get to the end! As for replaying the game afterwards, there's nothing to come back to or anything different to do, so you're just going to be playing the same game each time. Unless you want to make a speedrun or "All Bosses Without A Hit" video, there's no other reason to come back.
Overall:
This is ALMOST a good game, or at least a passable one. The graphics look great, it controls very well, the sounds and music fit and are catchy and memorable, and the surreal nature of the whole thing is something you need to experience for yourself! ...However, the enemy placement, the uneven difficulty curve, and the awful, AWFUL camera really do hurt the game, and turn what could have been a decent, though out-of-place, platformer into a nightmare to get through! If you've ever wanted to play a 16-bit platformer with Pokémon, and you feel you have the patience and skill to get through the broken mechanics, I guess I could recommend at least one playthrough. For everyone else, just Pika-shoo this game away...
And with that, we've reached the end of the month, so we should be saying "goodbye" to another Pokémonth! ...However, I feel bad for not producing any content for the first half of the month, and I'm not quite ready to stop. Therefore, Pokémonth is extended for another week! Next time: Something official!
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