This is it! The FINAL day of the calendar! The day before Christmas, and the last gift this Despicable Me 3 calendar is offering us! It's all been building up to this! So, without further ado, our last present is...
*drum roll*
A PRESENT! ...To the surprise of absolutely no one, seeing as how it's the only thing pictured on the calendar we haven't gotten yet! ...Stupid spoilerific calendar covers...
To this model's credit, this is the ONLY present model of the four I can actually identify as a "present". It's a nice, wide box, with red stripes around the top and middle, showing where the ribbon has been wrapped around this gift. ...It's still blander than any other gift we've gotten from these advent calendars, but I can at least tell what it is! I'm not going to serve it as a slice of cake to a minifigure! ...Unintentionally...
It still has that stupid single-stud plate as a bow, as opposed to the other calendars that either had larger pieces or were a little more creative with their bow designs, but even that looks better on this present! Since the present actually has some "body", it fits well in the middle, and its placement makes it look like part of the rest of the ribbon! ...I would have preferred an actual bow piece, especially since I know they exist in the Mega Construx library, but I can at least say it actually looks like what it's supposed to be! ...And it's not half a stick of Big Red.
And finally, and this is probably the strangest compliment I've given for anything in this calendar, I don't mind getting this as the final model! ...Yes. THIS is the model I think is perfect to end the calendar on!
For the previous calendars, we had another Minion figure and a morbid Christmas tree, respectfully, ending our advent calendar joy. ...And both just didn't feel like final calendar items! The figure was just a general Minion figure wearing the same overalls as the previous two, with a star and trees badly spray-painted on the front. The tree was very nice, and possibly the best model we received from that calendar. ...But, since it was a tree, it would have been nicer to get that earlier, especially with all the presents that calendar included!
This present, on the other hand, works for the final window! It's a present. A GIANT present, clearly wrapping the largest gift the Minions will get(either that, or a tiny present from a classic holiday troll). It represents the unknown, the mystery of presents on Christmas, and what could be under that wrapping. It's the final surprise for the Minions, and another thing to look forward to for the next day, when what is inside is finally revealed!
It's the perfect addition to put under the tree, in anticipation of the following day and the lucky Minion it's for! ...Who may/may not have woken up six hours before all the other Minions to get an "early start" on his gifts!
So yes. For the first time since starting these advent calendar lookthroughs, I've FINALLY found one that ends on a fitting note! While the design's not the most fantastical, the concept is perfect to close out a calendar the day before Christmas! The rest of the calendar order was questionable, but for the final item, they made the right choice. I have no complaints, and what I feel for this decision is pure, Christmas joy!
...Of course, for most of the rest of the calendar, what I feel is disgust and annoyance that this is what we got for this year! The final item might have been a good closeout, but for everything leading up to the final window, the air has been full of an immense feeling of
That expression will never gain meaning, but it will never lose its meaning, either!
With that, the final thing we have left to do is try to recreate the scene on the front of the box!
And no matter how it's organized, it STILL doesn't resemble the franchise it's based on! Take out the Minions, you'd never guess this was Despicable Me!
Case in point! ...Actually, I think I made it cuter. Mega Construx, I have a licensing opportunity for you!
Quality: We once again get the standard Mega Construx quality brick plastic, which is a little more rubbery than what Lego uses, yet higher quality than most other brick manufacturers use. Everything was well made, fit together nicely, and had no obvious sprue holes, runoff, or color fading! Even the paint was really good, with no scratches or splotches that I could detect! Truthfully, this might be the highest quality calendar we've gotten so far, in terms of materials! ...However, I do have to knock a few points off for not painting the backs of the bricks! I REALLY hoped that I'd only see this with pirate and knockoff toys who don't care what cost-cutting measures they use, so to see unpainted backs of sweaters and trees from a major brick manufacturer and Silver Medalist in the building brick market is PAINFUL! Like I said, I can forgive them for the tree, but there is NO excuse not to continue the sweater patterns all around the Minions! ...Still, I guess in the grand scheme of things, that amounts to barely above a nitpick. This calendar has shown us that there IS a plus side to super-simplistic designs: There's less to mess up!
Design: Unlike last year, where most models included at least one custom/uncommon piece in their builds, nearly every model in this calendar was built using regular building bricks. As a result, everything looks VERY blocky and even amateur, like something I could have come up with and built in a few minutes! We get a few models that use a number of different bricks to their advantage, like the train, the couch, the reindeer, and the tree, but everything else looks like it was built using a handful of tiny random bricks! One of my complaints with the first Minions calendar was that I couldn't tell what I was looking at with a few models, and with this year's offering, it was even worse! Very little looks like it should, and if they weren't used in an example on the front of the box, I wouldn't know what they were for! The drum, toy soldier, and especially (most of)the presents were the absolute worst designs out of the entire calendar, all looking like they had to be made two seconds before the calendar went into production! Even most of the stuff that wasn't bad still wasn't good enough to call "good". Things like the plane, the car, the maracas, the sled, etc. were just... There. ...On the other hand, the few things I liked I genuinely DID like. The miniature house, the custom sheet music piece, the guitar accessory, the skates, the final present, even the Minions themselves all looked GREAT, being built out of a very small amount of pieces, yet being easily recognizable and professionally designed! The Minions especially surprised me, since I wasn't expecting such a different design or superb paint job for these figures! And I legitimately had fun a few days ago, putting the Minion, cocoa cup, phonograph, couch, and fireplace in a scene, and I'll stand by that it's one of the most festive images I've seen this season! So in the instances this calendar does something right, it does it VERY well! ...It's just a shame the "good" models don't balance out the "bad" models.
Creativity: ...There was some to be seen? This is the blandest of all the calendars we've seen so far, as well as one of the most disappointing brick sets I've ever purchased, period! Most of the models included were EXTREMELY generic, not only not having anything to do with the franchise, but being built out of standard bricks that anyone who's bought a brick set probably has lying around their house! I feel sorry for the crap I gave the first Minions calendar, since we at least got some jelly, a fart gun, some models stamped with the Gru logo, and... Whatever that robot thing was. Here, not even the custom bricks have anything to do with the Minions, or even a Christmas setting! You could have included ANY figures from any franchise with these models, and nobody would notice they were out of place! It's PAINFUL that we get some models similar to what we've seen in previous calendars, but in a much more flawed, watered-down format. The milk-and-cookies table is boring, the nutcracker is boring, the presents are boring, the sled is boring, even the fireplace is boring! The only models I can say outdid most other attempts we've seen were the reindeer and the tree, since they looked much more like what they're supposed to be than the last few times they were included in a calendar! Besides those models, the other presents I can say I at least saw some creative thought in were the sheet music, the guitar, the miniature house, the train, the couch, the final present, and the sweater paint jobs for the Minions. Everything else just felt like a rehash, or that they just stuck a couple bricks together and said "It's a drum. Deal with it." On the whole, the biggest compliment I can give to all the models is that they're "serviceable." They work to be general items included in a budget brick advent calendar, and that's it. So while most of the items weren't that bad, they were BORING, and opening this calendar only made me long for the creativity of the other two calendars we looked at! ...Or any other advent calendar in general! ...I'll even take Play-Doh instead of having to do this calendar again...
Readability: As with most other brick advent calendars, the instructions for each model were inside the flap, with a picture of the completed model in the back behind where the model is kept. These were the simplest models we've had from a calendar yet, so I had ZERO trouble putting each one together. Again, there's always some bright point to having models with no creative thought behind them...
Packaging: We get a more energized winter scene than we got with Monster High, but still not up to the standards of the first Minions calendar. The first one had a pretty crowded picture, featuring toys and appliances running amok, while one Minion rode an uncontrollable sled and two others decorated the tree. Here, everything's much more spaced out, with less chaotic action, or even action, behind most of the things that came with the calendar. We only have two Minions, one crashing through an ice wall, and another shaking its maracas as it skates. Unlike the first calendar, they don't seem to be interacting with the scenery as a whole, and, because everything's clearly a model instead of having a few instances of the figures being drawn in a festive pose, it all just feels lifeless. And since the Minions aren't actually interacting with the Christmas stuff, it feels more like a generic winter scene, as opposed to something for the holidays! The tree and presents are just tucked into a corner, while most of the rest of the space is just... Space. Unlike the first calendar, which at least promised me some excitement, even if I don't like the franchise, this scene just does the bare minimum, only one step above having all the models lined up in a row! ...Still, I do like the return of the Minion scenes on the other sides of the box, and how easily you can misinterpret what's going on! Like the Monster High calendar, the doors were REALLY hard to open, and I even ripped a few doors trying! And the order for the items were... Weird! I didn't know what to expect for the first calendar, the second calendar fell into a pattern, and this calendar is sort of a mix between those methods. After the initial figure, we got nothing but instruments the first several days, then just a jumble of unrelated models for the next few days! And when the presents showed up, and we got two in a row, I really thought we'd get them all at once. ...Only to have some other models butt in line and throw off the pattern I thought they were going to do again! This order was decided by either the laziest or the most brilliant designers ever to create a brick-centered advent calendar, and they either don't care about their job, or they're professional trolls! Overall, the scenery for this calendar is mostly boring, save for some scenes on the sides, but the order the models are given to us is the work of a genius! A MAD genius, but a genius nonetheless. ...Maybe Doctor Nefario himself designed this?
Conpatibility: This calendar uses more standard bricks than usual for a Mega Construx project, so there's very little that wouldn't fit with any other brick set. I guess the guitar would be a little unwieldy for other figures, but besides that, go ahead and use these models with any other setting you have on hand. They'll fit just as well there as they do here.
Overall:
This was REALLY hard to get through! Besides my overall indifference to the Minions and the Despicable Me franchise in general, there just wasn't much keeping my attention from door to door, hence why I kept forgetting to open them! The quality of the bricks was nice, but the designs were overly simplistic and there was virtually no creativity with any of them! You could take most of the models, put them in any other set, and they wouldn't be out of place! Unlike the first calendar, there is NOTHING tying this calendar into the Despicable Me franchise except for the Minions! ...And that's pretty much the only positive point about this calendar, that the Minions are cute and different enough to stand out from any other Minion figure I've seen. It might actually be worth getting the calendar just to collect those two figures! However, besides that, the models, and even the calendar itself, are just bland and boring. Unless you have very little kids who are just old enough to play with building bricks and who won't complain about what brick sets they get, I'd give this calendar a pass and select one of the many other brick calendars available. As the Minions say, it was very "Gib, non agei, yee non a leelas banana."
Unlike said fireplace, which was a massive build of bricks, this is simply a flame on top of some brown bricks that hold together some snow bricks. It's as bare minimum as you can get for a fireplace. ...Though I do like that they added the white bricks. Like the Monster High advent calendar, it gives a bit of decor and lets us know what it's meant for. ...Also, that the fire is clearly fake, since there's still snow underneath...
We also get the return of the Mega Construx flame piece, which always looks more "realistic" than Lego's attempts. I like it when pieces like this are given this much detail, as it opens the doors to so many ways I can use it! ...Like burning a brick person's house down! Mwahahahahaha! ...Sorry.
Like so many models in this calendar, this is ok. It's just a basic fireplace made with 6 pieces, which is technically larger than most other models we've seen. Still, the fire piece makes up for the bland rest of the model.
It's the perfect model for a Minion to just kick back and watch in his chair, while sipping at his cocoa and listening to Mariah Carey on his phonograph. ...And if this isn't the most festive picture you've seen this season, Bah Humbug!
We've seen 23 presents from this calendar! They've ranged from the bad to the... serviceable. But tomorrow, it's time to open the final door! Christmas is upon us, and the advent calendar must come to an end in anticipation of what we'll get on that glorious day! What will the final model be? What will top everything off, and be the ultimate gift we've been waiting over 3 weeks for? ...Well, if you've been following along, you know exactly what it'll be. Still, let's open 'er up and stamp this calendar COMPLETE! See you tomorrow for the final door and analysis!
Sorry, I totally spaced out yesterday. Let's have one last dollop of ketchup before the final door!
Today's offering is the smallest gift of all, and one of the very few accessories this calendar offers: Ice Skates! ...I'd admit, I haven't seen brick figure skates designed like these before!
The skates are made out of a double-sided single stud piece attached to... Whatever this piece is. I don't even have a name for it. It looks like part of a car grill, or possibly the front of a motorcycle if they really wanted to get creative. Maybe it's a custom piece, but it looks like it went with something else, so I can't be sure.
Whatever the piece was originally meant for, the skates look quite simplistic, yet cute, and are something the Minions can actually use! I don't have any ice pieces nearby for effect, but I can pose him like he's skating across the ice rink!
Doesn't quite work as well with the regular brick figure. ...And if there existed a Satan minifigure, I'd make the joke everyone is thinking about right now...
So yet another overly simple model out of this calendar, but one that works! They look like skates, they fit the Minion figures, and they're quite cute! I wish we had more accessories like this out of the calendar! ...Instead of seven types of "instruments"...
On the 21st day of Christmas, my calendar gave to me, this sled! ...Doesn't quite flow, lyrically. I'll think about rewriting it.
Surprisingly, we're not given the other present today! Instead, we have this blue plank with a handle and a rubber rope for Minions to use to ride down a hill! ...And hopefully right into the side of a barn! ...That's the only way they'll ever hit one...
So, no surprise, we have another VERY basic model made with only 4 pieces that only barely resembles what it's supposed to. ...But it does come with this custom piece of a rubber rope, so that's something! ...I'm reaching.
Still, I guess it's something the Minions can actually use! Just slip the cord around them, find a steep enough hill, and watch them slalom through the trees! For additional hilarity, make sure they're asleep at the time!
Overall, this model is basically what the rest of the calendar has given us. It's a very simple micro model that only barely resembles what it's supposed to be. I can't even work up that much disgust for these gifts anymore... Still, I guess it works the way it's supposed to, and the Minions can use it. ...Which is more than can be said for most of the stuff we've gotten!
Alright, people! We're in the homestretch! Three more days of gifts! Will they turn things around?! ...At this point, what do you think?
It's Star Wars time again! Therefore, it's time to present my Star Wars Holiday Special! ...Which luckily isn't 2 hours of Wookiees screeching, and is instead another look at a Star Wars Plug n Play game! Will this year's offering be incredible, or would you rather take the screeching Wookiees? Let's find out with the first Star Wars light gun Plug n Play game: Star Wars Clone Trooper Blaster!
That time of year has hit us again like a cargo load of thermal detonators! It's the Christmas season, and, for the last few years, ever since Disney bought Lucasfilm and created their own Star Wars film universe, it's right around this time we get a new Star Wars movie!
I gotta say, I'm REALLY excited for what they give us this year! The last few Star Wars movies we've gotten from Disney have been great! The saga they've set up with Rey, Kylo Ren, BB8, Finn, and Poe has been excellent, painting a new saga following new characters, while still retaining the Star Wars feel and aesthetics! There have been some questionable twists and plot elements(The Force Awakens an almost carbon copy of A New Hope, killing Snoke in The Last Jedi, etc.), but overall, it's a very detailed, exciting, atmospheric series that, at the very least, deserves the Silver medal in the Star Wars Trilogy competition! ...Which wasn't hard, since the prequel trilogy didn't even place...
The Star Wars anthology series, or "X: A Star Wars Story", they've been producing and releasing in-between each main saga movie has also been great! ...Or, at the very least, it hasn't been mediocre. I'm in the group that actually enjoyed Rogue One when it came out! Despite the bland acting, confusing number of planets, and overall feeling of "pointlessness", since it technically didn't add to the canon or give any room for expansion, I liked the special effects(especially with resurrecting Grand Moff Tarkin), the variety of characters(especially Chirrut Îmwe and K-2SO), and the end battle and heist scenes were INCREDIBLE, with too much to mention that I liked! ...Of course, special mention goes out to possibly Darth Vader's greatest moment! It's one of the best war movies we've ever gotten, an experimental yet mostly successful departure in both tone and setting from the main series, and a clear sign that this anthology series can stand on its own and isn't just an obvious, lazy cash grab! ...It's a SUBTLE, PROFESSIONAL cash grab!
This year's movie, Solo: A Star Wars Story, was even better than Rogue One, and is possibly the most exciting of all the Star Wars movies! Showing us the life of Han Solo and his beginnings before meeting Luke and earning a role in the main canon, we get to see how he earned the name "Solo", his first meeting and early partnership with Lando, how he "earned" the Millennium Falcon, and even how he wasn't lying when he said he pulled off the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs! The acting was top notch, with everyone convincingly pulling off younger versions of the characters, the effects were great, and everything had an exciting, upbeat atmosphere to match Solo's cynical-yet-fun-loving personality! Sure, the story was a bit weak, a few scenes dragged on forever, the love story felt forced, and, again, we didn't really need it, but the good parts, including those I mentioned, are REALLY good, and more than make up for the movie's shortcomings! While it's nowhere near the most meaningful Star Wars movie, it's one of the most fun movies I've ever seen, and with most of the feature films that have come out in recent years being some of the blandest, ugliest, most unintentionally(and sometimes intentionally) depressing and disturbing stories ever put to film, that equals genius! ...At the very least, I'll watch it 100 times before I have to watch any of the Disney live action remakes again! ...Except for Beauty and the Beast. I'd rather watch Solo a THOUSAND times than have to see that again!
But Solo was just the appetizer! It's December, so it's time for Disney to release the next magnum opus of the Star Wars saga! I can't wait to see what it is! It's going to be big! It's going to be exciting! It's going to break multiple records and win countless awards! It's going to redefine the face of Star Wars as we know it! It's going to-
...Hello? ...They're not releasing another Star Wars movie soon? ...Solo was their sole offering for this year? ...The next one's not due until next December? ...This telephone gag doesn't work in a text review? ...Thank you for letting me know. ...Guy-who-decided-to-call-me-up-on-a-whim-and-coincidentally-knew-exactly-what-to-say-to-my-very-specific-Star-Wars-misunderstanding-before-I-even-made-the-review-public. ...-Erson.
...So, yeah. Disney and Lucasfilm decided to jump the gun this year and release the most recent Star Wars offering in May. We're not getting another Star Wars this month, and we're not due for one for at least another year. ...So my tradition of releasing a review of a Star Wars-related game around the same time as the newest Star Wars movie kind of missed the mark this year...
Eh, whatever. I still owe a Star Wars-related review for this year, so I'd better deliver one in the last few weeks we have. ...And I hope you enjoy it! Many Bothans died to bring you this review! ...What? You don't know what a Bothan looks like, and I'm sure a lot of something died while I wrote this review, so you can't argue!
It doesn't matter what or how many Star Wars movies they've released this year, anyway. As I've previously mentioned in the last Star Wars reviews, the traditional Plug n Play game is extinct and there are no plans to create one based on any recent movies. Why go through the trouble of creating a unique, self-contained console of games, when they can just add content to their already existing games? Thereby depriving me and other crazed collectors of more junk they absolutely have to have to fill up their already overcrowded bedrooms and storage areas?! ...That's the only downside to this I can think of, since the Star Wars games are actually good...
I was going to joke about Star Wars Battlefront II, but they've rehauled their "loot crate" system and the Solo DLC is free of charge, so even one of the most controversial Star Wars games has escaped controversy. Making a joke about them would be as timely as getting mad at R.A. Salvatore for killing Chewbacca in the main Star Wars canon...
Therefore, as we've done the last two years, it's time to reach into the box and pull out something Star Wars-related for review! In 2016, we had Star Wars The Original Trilogy. In 2017, we had Star Wars Revenge of the Sith. And this year, I bring unto you the Star Wars Clone Trooper Blaster game! And I didn't even have to reach that far into the box for this one!
This was the console I was going to feature for the last Star Wars-themed review, in celebration of The Last Jedi, and it would have been the first console with a built-in light gun featured here! ...Unfortunately, being a decade-old light gun game, it came with the usual problems of trying to play one of these antiques on newer hardware.
The first obvious problem is that they straight-up will not work on newer HD/UHD TVs! Modern digital TVs have a higher refresh rate and a different method of displaying images than older analog televisions, so whatever method the light gun used to recognize movement and impact on older TVs simply won't work on today's monitors. ...Unless by complete accident, as we saw with the Virtual Station's light gun.
I luckily did have a small CRT TV I kept around just for this reason, so that solved the problem of how to play it! ...But then the second problem emerged that I could play it on the TV, but I couldn't record it! Apparently, feeding the signal through the capture device and all the different wires and converters I use to capture analog signals while also playing in real time on my TV messes up the timing and positioning of the light gun's method of detection. This results in a shot NEVER firing accurately, even on a CRT TV, and bullets flying faster and more sporadically than a Grand Theft Auto Online deathmatch! Obviously, the game's unplayable in this condition, and, because I try to give you the highest possible quality video/sound I can get from this hardware, I refused to plant a camera in front of the screen like a 8-year-old, so this game was thrown away like Luke Skywalker first re-receiving his lightsaber in The Last Jedi.
Instead, I got to show you the Star Wars Revenge of the Sith console! ...What an unforgettably enjoyable experience that was! ...I guess the GameKey made up for it, though.
Luckily, I recently found this monster at a yard sale. An older TV with a 20" screen and an "Output" function on the back, allowing me to not only play these older light gun games, but directly plug the games into the TV and feed the signal out through the TV itself! So now I can play these games with no chance of signal loss or delay in the process! ...If none of us mind the resulting video looking like it was filmed on a head of cabbage...
So, yeah! Problem solved! I can play the light gun games on this thing, and they, as far as I can tell with what I've tested, work! That means I can finally, FINALLY, show you the Star Wars Clone Trooper Blaster Game! ...Right after I show you the console itself.
Not that there's a lot to say about the console build, as it's almost the exact same model and paint job as a number of other Clone Trooper Blaster toy guns. You may have seen these around at toy stores or thrift stores, especially the suction-cup dart gun variety, and it's clear they share the same mold as the console, just with some very slight alterations. The handle, side grill, and front cords are different colors, the console has a bit of a "lip" on the mouth, a few solely-cosmetic mold features have been smoothed out, and, most notably, the scope is missing from the console. Besides those features, however, it's very easy to get the blasters mixed up! ...I'd hate to be the kid that made that mistake right before his next Nerf battle!
The most obvious sign to look for to tell if it's the console is if it has a cord. If not, then find some spare darts online and buy the lot for your Star Wars-crazy kid's birthday, or your Clone Trooper convention getup! ...Unless it IS the game, and someone already snipped off the cord to use for said convention getup, in which case, you're left with a lump of plastic and circuit boards more useless than R2-D2 during the Battle of Endor...
Besides the cord, the console also has extra buttons the other toys don't have. Besides the trigger, there's a secondary trigger right underneath for alternate attacks in the game, which we'll get into in a second. There's also a power switch on the far right, right next to the power indicator light, and a "safety" button, which serves to pause the game. ...If only leaving a gun on "safety" actually paused the battle in real life...
There's also a near-useless directional pad near the front of the gun, which I'll explain later.
The final thing to point out is where to put the batteries. ...This actually gave me pause when I first bought this thing, because the battery compartment is well hidden! Seriously, let's play a game. Judging by the build of this gun, where do you think the batteries go?
This ammo clip? Nope.
The handle? Negative.
Somewhere under the gun? Wrong.
In the back of the blaster? Nada.
Right under the grill on the side? More incorrect than Snoke's prediction in The Last Jedi!
Maybe there isn't a battery compartment, and it's powered by an adapter that feeds through the A/V cords? That's what I thought too, but that's still nowhere near where the source is.
Give up?
There's a compartment on the back that unscrews to reveal where to put the batteries! When I first got this, I thought the screws were there to keep the console together, so I didn't think about dismantling it! ...Until all other options failed and I figured "Eh, why not?" I should be angry, but the fact the battery compartment blends in so well with the rest of the console technically makes this one of the greatest Plug n Play systems ever molded!
...Until you lose the back portion and the aesthetics of the console are completely ruined, anyway...
Before we begin, an answer to one of the questions you may have. No, this is NOT the similar Clone Trooper console. Despite having almost the exact same name and build, besides the orange paint job, that one was released 5 years later in 2013 by Jakks Pacific, and includes a different campaign and light gun mechanic. I myself had them mixed up, and thought that the latter was a remake of the one we're looking at today. However, from what I can tell, they're two completely different games by two completely different publishers. We'll probably see the other one some other December, but for now, let's take a look at the Clone Trooper BLASTER game!
Unlike the previous two Star Wars games, which were developed and released by Jakks Pacific and Amaze Entertainment(aka Griptonite Games, or whatever name they were going by that week), today's console was released by the name that defined electronic toys of the 90s and 00s: Tiger Electronics! I already went over the Tiger Electronics legacy in the MX Dirt Rebel review, so you can check that review out for a short history.
Tiger Electronics also did one other Star Wars Plug n Play game: the Star Wars Lightsaber Battle Game, where you can face off in a lightsaber duel against most of the Jedi and Sith of the classic series!
Which you may also know the pseudo-remake of from the augmented reality Star Wars Jedi Challenges game. ...I don't know if anyone from Tiger or Hasbro actually had anything to do with this game, but it's almost a carbon copy of the Plug n Play game, so it's pretty obvious where they got their inspiration. ...Or I'm giving Tiger too much credit and it's just too obvious a mechanic not to use across games. ...Either way, I need to own both of these games...
We also get the returning face of Santa Cruz games, the company that helped create the previously featured Spider-Man And The Masked Menace game! ...A game I thought was so boring, I could feel myself aging, but it's one of my most popular videos/reviews, with dozens of people claiming it was the highlight of their childhoods, so what do I know? Maybe this company's more brilliant than I gave them credit for?
After all, only geniuses could have given us Madagascar Island Mania!
As the title pops up, which just gives the title of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars TV series this game is based on, we get a... Rather pathetic version of the Star Wars theme. I can tell it's the theme, but it's an incredibly slow, downbeat, sometimes off-tempo version that sounds like the default setting on a cheap electronic keyboard, with some synthesized horns and drums chiming in when they feel like it. It's also an INCREDIBLY short loop of the theme, starting at the fanfare, stopping after the first trumpet section, then immediately looping! It sounds like a 12-year-old with an older version of GarageBand trying to recreate the theme for their first chiptune! It's so short, monotonous, and off-key, that this is another instance where the game would have been better if they DIDN'T include a version of the franchise's main theme! If you've ever wanted to know what "Star Wars: The Funeral Dirge" would sound like, Tiger Electronics and Santa Cruz Games have met your bizarre and depressing request!
Oh, but get used to it, because it's the ONLY music track across the entire console! ...Even the previous Star Wars Plug n Play games at least gave us TWO tracks!
As you start the game, you get to choose from three different profiles, allowing you and two others to play the game on separate save files! But, since the console doesn't keep score, it's the same game every time, and the main campaign can be finished in less than an hour, I don't see the point...
But you get to see a 3D model of a Clone Trooper helmet lift its head up and stare at you, as if it was brought back from the dead! Star Wars Zombies!
Which actually were a recurring force in The Clone Wars show, so that unintentionally fits perfectly!
The game then goes to a slightly messy Menu. On the first screen, you're given the options Start, Medals, Options, and Back, with "Back" taking you back to the title screen, so we already have one pointless option...
"Options" only gives you the option to delete the current profile, while "Medals" displays all the Medals you've earned throughout the game. Something we'll get back to very soon.
The actual game menu pops up when you select "Start", giving the options to start a new game, continue your current game, or play in the "Arcade". If this is a new profile, the Arcade is empty, so go ahead and shoot "New" to begin your adventure as a genetically-altered, rapidly aging, forcibly-loyal, inhibitor-chip bearing soldier of the Republic! ...Before you eventually enact Order 66 and turn on your former masters, brutally killing them all! ...That last part doesn't actually happen in this game. ...But it SHOULD!
Before each mission, you're given a brief briefing by General Kenobi or Captain Rex on what the mission entails. ...A briefing that's ultimately pointless, since the mission boils down to one of 5 different scenarios, each one only slightly different from the other, with very few of the details mentioned in the briefings appearing! They're also eerily quiet, with no spoken dialog, no sound bites, not even the one title track the game has! For a game that takes place in the middle of a war, it gets the player pumped and ready to take down the Separatists as much as playing the "Eve of Destruction" protest song before battle would!
The story is as weak as water purged of midichlorians. Jedi artifacts are in danger of being stolen by the enemy, so you need to leave your current station to retrieve, escort, and successfully relocate the artifacts while shooting through wave after wave of the Droid Army. At the very end, General Skywalker needs to be delivered to the frontlines, before you then return to your post and await further orders. BAM! I just summed up the entire plot in two sentences. A plot that takes the game over SIX minutes total to deliver, and could be summed up even faster! Go in, shoot the robots, save the day, return to base.
The entire plot could just as easily have been fit on a briefing card at the beginning of the game! No need to interrupt the action to pretend something new's happening, despite obviously NOTHING new happening!
...And really? This is IT?! You're not turning the tides of the war, or engaging in memorable battles from the movies, or interacting with main characters from the series, or even battling against major baddies like General Grievous or Count Dooku? It just boils down to "leave base, fight robots, return to base, good day's work"?! ...Even for a Plug n Play game, the premise is weaker than the mind of that guy Obi-Wan told to "go home and rethink your life." ...And nowhere near as funny!
Geez, the game hasn't even started, and I'm already in "rant mode." ...I'd better move on before my turn to the dark side is complete and I lightning-blast the console before I can review it...
After the briefing, the level starts with a gunship slowly landing in the middle of the battlefield. It flies away, droids begin running onscreen, and it's here you see the genius of the gun's mechanics!
Most light guns work by 1 of 2 ways. The first, and the original method since the start of light gun gaming, is "sequential timing", which anyone who's played older arcade gun games or anything with the NES Zapper is familiar with. When the trigger is pulled, the screen goes black for a split-second, while all shootable objects are outlined in white. If the diode in the gun detects enough of the white image, it registers as a hit. This method has fallen out of favor in the last few decades due to plasma and LCD screens using a different aspect ratio, refresh rate, and finer pixels, which confuse the photosensitive parts of the gun and result in the system rarely, if ever, registering a hit. As we unfortunately saw when I tried playing the Virtual Station on my 4k UHDTV.
And that's why your trusty NES Zapper is now less accurate than a Storm Trooper! ...Still, keep it around. It's a good retro-futuristic prop for your Flash Gordon cosplay!
The other method, and one that's still used to this day, is through infrared technology, which we've previously seen on this blog with the Toy Story Mania Plug n Play port. These games use sensors to read the positioning from the gun in relation to the screen, then relay that information back to the game, usually in the form of an onscreen reticle that moves around like a mouse pointer. It's a slower, somewhat less accurate system than photosensitive light guns, but it works with most screens and provides better visual confirmation if a shot lands. And unless there's a huge CRT retro movement, it's all you got, so deal with it!
However, this game appears to use neither method, and instead uses its own unique light gun technology. I don't quite know how it works, but it appears that optical sensors in the gun are programmed to recognize the layout of the entire game and where the gun is currently pointed. That means that the game will recognize where the muzzle of the gun is in relation to the screen and shots will land where it's pointed, all without the need of a sensor bar! However they made this work is INGENIOUS! I have NEVER seen this done with any other game, and I'm blown away that they went to the trouble of attempting another way to register light gun gameplay! ESPECIALLY on a cheap Plug n Play game released during the heyday of the Wii, when infrared sensor bars were the standard!
As I mentioned last year with the GameKey, it matches the retro-futuristic style of Star Wars. It's built with obsolete and overly-complex technology compared to what we actually use today, yet it functions just as well as the current technology! ...For the most part.
There are still major problems with this method of "light-gunning". Besides it not recognizing the image on a TV with smaller pixels and no refresh rate, hence my need to use it with an old CRT, the gun must be pressed nearly right up against the screen to register! That's how I play games, anyway, so it's no different for me, but it may be trouble for people with large living rooms that like to stand about ten feet away from the TV to actually get the gunfight experience. ...Or people that prefer sitting down and not having to move their chairs closer to the TV.
There's another problem with this method, but I'll get to it in later. ...Most of you have probably already left already, since I haven't actually shown any game footage yet. ...Or you've skipped to this part. If so, hey there! I hope you've been keeping notes throughout this review, or the rest won't make a lick of sense! ...And now you're gone, too...
I debated whether I should go through this game linearly or just group the levels together based on every game mode you'll see, and I was leaning dangerously close to the latter. ...However, there is somewhat of a progression system in this game, so I guess we'll go from beginning to end. I won't provide context to each level, since I already gave the plot away earlier, so let's just go by what each level requires you to do. ...Believe me. Context doesn't add anything to this game, anyway...
Mission 1: Report for Duty is your standard "stop 'n go" rail shooter gameplay, a la first levels of The House of the Dead. When the game begins, wave after wave of droids run onto the screen, get into position, and fire at you. ...Unless, of course, you hit them before they get the chance!
Like most arcade shooters, survival comes down to a matter of timing and eliminating the deadliest threat first. If a droid runs onscreen and preps its weapon before you can take it out, it'll fire and you'll take damage. And with your already low health bar and how uncommon health powerups are in this game, that's the last thing you'll want. Especially this early in the game.
You'll also need to contend with the bane of House of the Dead or Terminator 2 or a number of other shooters: Pop-up baddies. These guys will jump out
from the bottom of the screen, obscuring your vision and doing heavy
damage unless you take them out quickly enough. ...If only The Haunted
Mansion at Disneyland let you do that to their pop-up ghosts... Unnecessary jump scares...
Once you've cleared out all the waves for the screen, you travel to another location and do it all over again! Except with larger groups of enemies and the introduction of Super Battle Droids, which take 2 hits instead of 1. ...Besides that, the first part of the level is the same as the last, so if you were expecting to see more of the city, sorry.
The gun is limited to basic blaster shots with no powerups or upgrades to increase damage or rate of fire. Luckily, it's an automatic weapon, and holding down the trigger will release a spurt of weapon fire that'll reduce most large groups of enemies to smoldering metal and wires in seconds! It also greatly cuts down on finger strain from pulling the trigger over and over again, which, with how many droids are on the screen at a time, I am INCREDIBLY thankful for!
However, to retain a challenge level, the gun can overheat if the trigger is held down for too long, drastically reducing the rate of fire until you let go and allow it to cool down. Thankfully, with how quickly most hordes can be taken out, this isn't much of a problem. ...Until later levels...
At the end of the first mission, you'll encounter your first Destroyer Droids. These little demons are TOUGH. Unless you start shooting IMMEDIATELY when they appear onscreen, they'll reach their attack positions and deploy their shields, making them even more resilient to blaster fire. Add the fact they have rapid fire, and these guys are more than willing to drain your already drained health bar to nothing!
After the first two, two more take their place. Then two more after that! Just keep shooting, and you'll eventually take them out! ...And the Jedi say blasters are primitive. I'd like to see their light sticks do this to a Droideka!
Once the level's cleared, you're brought to the Menu background, with the text "Mission clear!" at the top. And, if you fulfilled the level's special requirement, in this case "Blaster Only", this is also where you'll see the medal you've won, which can be seen on the Medals screen afterwards. This is what I was talking about earlier with the level "progression". While the game eventually starts repeating modes, there are still certain requirements to fulfill in order to 100% the game, so there is some degree of challenge and replay value! ...Not that you'll ever 100% the game, but we'll get back to that...
Mission 2: Scramble gives some slight freedom of choice in where you can go, compared to the automatic rail shooters the other modes are. After taking out the first few droids
You're then given a choice of which direction to take. Only one option at the start
But up to three later on. This is the ONLY time the directional pad on the gun is used, to decide which direction to go in. ...Was it really worth the trouble to include? The player could just as easily SHOOT the arrow, but I guess they had $5 left in the budget, so might as well add a directional pad that's only used for this section!
It's like the big wheel button on the Price is Right console. If it's only used specifically for one section of the game, why even bother? ...It's not as distracting as the big, honkin' wheel, at least...
Don't get too excited about the freedom to choose your path. Unlike other shooter games, there are no alternate paths to take to extend the life of the game. It's one linear path in a faux-maze with only one solution. And most of the time, there's only one other direction to go in, anyway!
The only reason there are multiple paths is that, at ONE point, you can accidentally go the wrong way, forcing you to fight another roomful of droids! ...That's it. Once you know where it is, you can avoid it and take the never-changing path out of the "maze"! It's like a Stanley Parable-esque nod to the illusion of freedom of choice in video games...
However, if this is your first time playing, remember to enter this dead end and bomb the far wall with thermal detonators to unearth some secret powerups and earn this level's medal. ...Thermal detonators? Powerups? ...I knew I forgot to explain something at the beginning...
Thermal detonators are the secondary attack option, triggered by pulling the second trigger underneath the first. You'll throw a powerful grenade that'll destroy everything in its way and, if aimed properly, may clear the screen of enemies. For later levels of the game with large waves of powerful enemies, these are absolutely CRUCIAL to completing the level! However, you can only hold 4 at a time, and they're only replenished through powerups.
Powerups, besides that previously mentioned one-time-only hidden cache, are dropped completely at random by destroyed Droids, and they will only appear when they're needed. If you already have full health or thermal detonators, they will not show up. ...And even then, it's a miracle if they're dropped! Even if you need them, they never drop when you need them!
The only two powerups in the game replenish Health and Thermal Detonators. ...And that's all you'll need. There are no upgrades to the gun, nor any other method of destroying all enemies.
However, we've seen the problem with a gun that fires too many lasers at once in the Revenge of the Sith game, so maybe it's for the best the gun stays basic...
After making it to the end of this level and fighting another wave of Destroyer Droids, luckily only 4 this time,
You'll complete the mission. As well as earn the medal if you remembered to bomb the wall! ...And you're welcome for me saving you the trouble of finding the room it's hidden in, because that was a pain...
Mission 3: Hold Your Position is the first sniper section of the game. The gun changes to a long-range rifle, and your view becomes black save for the tiny window you move around to find and shoot at enemies. Find them in the blackness, shoot them, and stop them from destroying the generators. ...For reasons never given in the game.
This is what I was talking about how knowing the context behind the level doesn't help at all. The briefing states that your transport has been destroyed, so they're sending you another one. You just have to tough it out until it arrives!
...What about that translates into "Hide on the roof and stealth kill droids before they blow up the shield generators?" ...Where did the shield generators even come from?! This was supposed to be a quick in-and-out mission to relocate some Jedi memorabilia! Where did they find the time to build and install these generators? If they were here to begin with, what were they protecting? The facility? Well, you just blazed through there like no tomorrow, so a fat lot of good they did! And apparently, this facility is HUGE, if the generators are on one side and you're several hundred feet away, aiming at the droids through the scope! You're clearly not protecting the generators to keep the facility intact, because the point of your whole mission was that the facility was lost! And if you're here and they're all the way over there, I'd think you're safe! ...Or at least, you have more pressing issues than long-range droid sniping. Like keeping the area where you ARE safe from the rampaging droid hordes!
The minute you're done picking off the droids on the other side of the facility, you're going to turn around and see THIS right behind you!
This mode is TERRIBLE! Easily the worst type of level in the game, and one of the worst excuses for a sniper shooter I've ever encountered! All you do, ALL you do, is aim at the droids and fire! The Battle Droids take one hit, the Super Battle Droids take two, and these tank things I'm sure have a name but I can't find it take three. Since they seem to do the same amount of damage, take out the weakest first, then focus your shots on the rest before they blow up the generator.
Then another wave arrives and you do it again! The droids may change, but their positions don't, so once you've seen where the first few show up, you can basically close your eyes and take perfect aim!
Silent Scope, this game isn't!
Just do that for a few waves until you've cleared out the current legion of droids. ...Then head to the other side and do it all over again! But this time, MIRRORED! Oh, please stop, level designers! You're giving us too much variety to handle! You're going to strain yourselves!
Now the way I'm describing it, I'm probably making this section sound easy. WAY too easy, in fact, and you may think the only obstacle you'll encounter is the same boredom as the previous modes, playing through each repetitive wave. ...This section is STUPID HARD! The goal is to keep the generators from absorbing too much damage and exploding, yet wave after wave of droids rush onto the screen, guns blazing the second they appear! There's no way to prevent them from firing, so the generator is ALWAYS taking damage! And since the next wave appears IMMEDIATELY after the previous one has been vaporized, it's almost guaranteed each generator will lose over half its hit points before you clear them out!
What's even more of a headache is that every wave is random. Every time you play this level, the game randomly selects a mix of Battle Droids, Super Battle Droids, and the tank droids for the attacking wave, meaning you'll never have the same battle twice! ...ALSO meaning that it's completely random how many hits each wave will take to wipe out all droids! If you're lucky, you'll get three Battle Droids, which only need three hits total. ...On the other hand, you may get three tank droids, requiring NINE direct hits to take out! Meanwhile, the generators are being pounded harder than the city of Jedha, and will likely lose about a third of their integrity before that wave is over! This is the ONLY mode where enemies are randomized, and all it does is make the difficulty inconsistent! Whether you'll finish the level or not is completely up to the computer and how many of each droid it Force pushes at you!
But if getting enough hits isn't hard enough, HITTING the droids makes up for that! This is where the weaknesses of the light gun method they chose start becoming PAINFULLY obvious! The game can tell where the gun's pointing, but only in a general area and not to the specific pixel like other makes of light gun. Therefore, even if the gun is kept perfectly still, shots will still fire wildly around where the muzzle of the gun is pointed, never hitting the same area twice! And since the game's never entirely sure if the gun's pointing at something that can be shot, lasers can pass RIGHT THROUGH the enemy, not counting as a hit!
For the other sections of the game, where the blaster is rapid firing thanks to your deathgrip on the trigger, this is fine. There are so many projectiles at once, you don't notice if one didn't hit, and the next one will finish it off!
But for this mode, where you're stuck with a sniper that can only fire one bullet a second and each shot counts, it's PAINFUL, making what's already a stressful, unfun situation even worse! There are no alternate attacks with this weapon, so you're stuck with the sniper's broken collision detection! You'll line up a shot with one of these giant tank robots, only to literally miss hitting the broad side of a barn! I didn't know droids could become Force ghosts*!
*Well, there was "Skippy, the Jedi Droid" from Star Wars Tales, but that story is meant to be taken as seriously as any of the Star Wars movies' working titles...
And to top it all off, there are two generators, each generator has to be defended TWICE, and they're not repaired between sections! The life bar one had will remain at its current fullness all across the level, even while you're off defending the "mirror generator". If it only had two hits left when you switched viewpoints, it'll have two hits left when you come back to it, and it will likely explode before you can fight off even half of the attacking droids! Once again, we have a game where the only way to win isn't through skill or practice, but pure luck!
Expect to see this screen a good number of times! The Force is useless with this one...
However, if you're diligent, or stupid, enough, you'll EVENTUALLY clear out the invading droid army and complete the level before the generators are blown to atoms. ...Then you'll probably go back and attempt to make every shot land to get the medal. ...If you have nothing better to do. Like make sausages with your socks as casings...
Mission 4: Extraction returns to the standard rail shooter mode, only this time, you're flying! You'll need to shoot down Droid Star Fighters and Battle Droids to defend the gunship on its destination to the stronghold where the artifacts are being taken. ...If it turns out we're escorting antique china, Order 66 will seem like a playful game of Laser Tag...
The only actual hazards in this section are the Battle Droids. These Droid Star Fighters just fly by and eventually swoop out of the way without firing a shot, presumably on their way to the Star Wars: Battlefront II remake. If your health is low, or your rockets, which replace thermal detonators as the secondary attack, are depleted, this is the time to try to score some powerups. ..."Try" being the word here...
The gameplay for this stage is basically the same as Mission 1, only you're in the sky and not as obviously changing locations. However, the enemies move slightly faster, take slightly longer to prepare to fire, and hitting them is MUCH harder! Maybe it's because they're much smaller, thinner targets, but very rarely does a projectile meet its destination! You can spreadfire to your heart's content, but roughly only 10% of those bullets will hit! Even when they're parked right in front of you, your gun will be useless at hitting an immobile target, so expect to take a LOT of hits and possibly go down for the count AGAIN during this stage!
For most of the targets, you're better off just using your rockets. ...Which, again, are hard to come by, and seem to be even less effective than Thermal Detonators! ...Either way you look at it, you're screwed...
...Are we playing as Clone Troopers or Storm Troopers? The latter is the
group infamous for their lack of accuracy, while the Clone Troopers
have taken out most of their assigned targets across the movies! ...And
yet the Empire chose to phase them out... Whether it's the Republic or
the Empire, people in power are stupid...
I'm also wondering if they were originally planning on a wider screen for the play area? Some of the enemies, especially the Droid Star Fighters, will appear in the lower-right corner and fly in an arc that hides behind portions of the ship, where the gun will not recognize them as a valid target! If you're lucky, you can fire a rocket in time to blow them up! ...But, unless you're going for the medal, there's no actual point. ...I went for the medal...
Eventually, you'll complete the level and, if you attempted it enough times to take out all the Droid Star Fighters, earn the medal. You'll then pledge to only take the bus from now on, if there's even a slight chance boarding a plane will result in you having to go through this again...
Mission 5: Rendevous is another automatically moving rail shooter, and the final unique mode to the console. It plays very similarly to the previous mission, with the same enemy roster, only it's MUCH easier! The gun you're using here has larger projectiles, and the game doesn't have as much trouble registering hits. Even with no secondary weapon available, you'll have little/no trouble taking out most of the droids coming at you!
All you do for the majority of the level is ride this awkwardly turning ship, shooting down droids in your way. Droids that rarely have a chance to shoot back, and that "speed" by so slowly, it's easy to get them in your reticle! Just think of it as hunting for sport! The droids have given you so much grief to this point, and now it's time to turn the tables and blow every single one out of the sky! And, unlike actual wildlife, you don't need to worry about them going extinct. As long as you're not working for the Empire yet, there will be PLENTY more of these droids! ...They're not as tasty as actual wildlife, though. ...Possibly still as impressive mounted over the fireplace...
At the end of the level, we FINALLY get our first boss battle in the form of what I believe is a "Hailfire Droid". Like most rail shooter bosses, it'll move side-to-side in front of you at the same speed as your ship, firing missiles at you that you'll need to shoot down or risk getting hit. And since no powerups are dropped during this fight, getting hit isn't the best course of action... I mean, it never was, but especially here...
Luckily, this boss is a walk through the Jedi Temple Meditation Garden. In-between shooting down volleys of missiles, aim for one of the missile launchers and shoot it until it smokes and stops working. Then do the same with the other one, and finally aim for the body! Eventually, your blaster will have turned that Hailfire Droid into a scattered hail of firey parts left to smolder on the ground!
And that wins you the level! And, if you shot down all the Battle Droids on their STAPs, that also wins you the medal! But, most importantly of all, you'll have had the most fun you've had with this console so far, hitting the button for the next level with renewed sense of fun and purpose! ...Enjoy that feeling while you can, because it will not last. The next few levels will make sure of that...
From here on out, the different modes each level could take repeat, almost in the same order as the previous 5 levels. There are a few differences and additions, but, on the whole, not much else to talk about. ...Except for the sudden difficulty spike! Let's breeze through talking about these last few levels, because that's the only bit of breezing related to these last 5 levels we'll be able to do!
Mission 6: Safety in Numbers follows the same format as Mission 1. You'll stop somewhere, fight all the waves of soldiers, automatically move to the next area, fight everyone there, repeat. The only difference is that there's more. More Battle Droids, more Super Battle Droids, more Destroyer Droids, even the STAPs decide to get involved in a land battle! Everything is thrown at you as you try to make it to the Republic stronghold with the rest of your force. ...All of which have conveniently decided to take a nap, leaving you the only trooper dealing with this swarm of killer robots! Call Kamino! This latest shipment of troopers is defective!
For the most part, this level is relatively easy to get through. There are larger groups of stronger enemies, but if you know when to use the thermal detonators, it'll be as simple as the first incarnation of this mode. ...At least, normally...
This level is where I started to encounter a few bugs in the game. Not many, but they made completing the game even more of a headache. On my first playthrough, I encountered this invincible Battle Droid! Look at that! I'm pumping dozens of shots into this skeleton of a Skeleton Warrior, and it's not even reacting! It just kept firing at me until I became as dead as Hayden Christensen's career! ...Why did the Empire decide to replace their droid army with Clone Troopers? Apparently, at the end, they developed droids immune to blaster fire!
While that bug thankfully only happened once, the other one was more consistent. To earn this level's medal, you need to take out all Destroyer Droids, including those that try to get away. Easy enough, right?
Every time a horde of Destroyer Droids appeared onscreen, I just threw a detonator and blew them up before they even became a threat! I made junk piles out of them before they even knew what had happened and sent them to the same hell the Portal turrets go to!
...But even though I wiped out every Destroyer Droid, it didn't register at the end of the level and I never received the medal!
It turns out that, in order for the droid death to count, it must be completely onscreen at the time it's destroyed! If one was part of the wave, but was still partly off-screen when the grenade was thrown, it will still be destroyed, but it won't count! To earn the medal, you need to wait until all droids are onscreen and nearly about to open up and attack, THEN throw the explosive! This game's point system is pickier than a DMV instructor!
At the end of the level, we get another boss in the shape of this Dwarf Spider Droid, which will drop from the sky, shoot a few rounds, then scuttle left/right and do the same thing.
It's even easier to take out than the previous boss. Just keep continually shooting it in the face, and it'll eventually blow up, ending the level.
If you had the patience to wait until the Destroyer Droids were onscreen before blowing them up, you'll also get the medal for this section! ...And the final medal you'll be able to get for a while, as I'll explain in a second...
Mission 7: Infiltrate plays the same as Mission 2. Clear out the room of droids, select a new room, do it all over again until you find the way out. It's about as straightforward and meaningless as the last time.
...Except this time, it's STUPIDLY DIFFICULT! Like the previous level, the waves of enemies have grown larger and stronger, with Super Battle Droids and Destroyer Droids comprising most of the enemies. It's practically impossible to get through most of the rooms without taking at least one hit and wasting precious hit points. Still, even these rooms are manageable, if you know where to shoot, have good aim, and the console's hit detection cooperates.
...But then it suckerpunches you right at the end with wave after wave of 4 Destroyer Droids at once! It's impossible to knock even one out before they deploy and raise shields, where it then takes an IMMENSE amount of damage to reduce each one to spare parts! ...Of course, it doesn't matter how many points of damage they take, because by this point, you're dead! The minute all four deploy, they'll unleash a volley of shots that'll reduce your health to nothing in two seconds! You'll be hit so hard and so fast, the only question on your mind as the screen goes black will be "...What just happened?"
Even if you're lucky to survive the first room of Destroyers, the next room will finish the job they started, with combined waves of both Destroyer Droids AND Super Battle Droids! It's pointless trying to figure out which to hit first, because they'll blow your brains out before you have a chance to use them! The obvious answer is to use thermal detonators to wipe them all out before they get a chance to regroup. BUT, considering how many waves of super tough droids there are at the end and the fact you can only carry four grenades at a time, you'll have run out before the you've cleared out the second-to-last room!
As we like to say on this blog, you will die
And die
And die
And DIE! And every time you do, you'll have to play the level all over and try to get to that point again! ...Only to die AGAIN!
So thank you, Tiger Electronics. You have made the most accurate Order 66 simulator to date! Now Clone Troopers can experience what they put the Jedi through when they backstabbed(backblasted?) them!
The ONLY chance you have to beat this level is SOLELY based on how generous it decides to be with the powerups. Sometimes health and additional grenades drop from defeated droids, and sometimes(MOST times), they don't. And since the only way to get past these waves of Destroyer Droids is to launch thermal detonators before they have a chance to reform, you'd better hope a grenade appears after nearly every wave! ...So, once again, we have a level based not on skill or experience, but pure chance!
You have more control over a game of Monopoly than getting through this mission alive!
Oh, and you don't get a medal for completing this level. ...I don't mean one wasn't implemented, I mean you've never awarded it! The task this time is to complete the level in under 5 minutes. Against my better judgement, I went back and replayed this level several times, clearing every area out, getting pummeled and put out of commission half of those attempts, and, on my best run, I completed it in a good 3 minutes, 30 seconds. ...And what did I get for my trouble?
My only guess is that this level was too challenging for the playtesters, and they only played it long enough to beat it once, without timing how long their attempt took. Then the designers either forgot to add the achievement in, or they never corrected some glitch in how the game measures time, and nobody noticed before they uploaded the program to the console and shipped it out!
Or Galen Erso used the game's code as practice to hide flaws that would eventually bring down the Death Star. Whatever the reason, I can only imagine the disappointment other players much younger than me must have felt to get to this point, yet never accomplish the level's seemingly simply medal objective! ...If they had the patience to get to that point in the first place...
Mission 8: Hold the Fort is exactly like Mission 4. Fly through the skies to save and escort General Skywalker and repel the flying droids. It's the same gun, same enemies, and same hard-to-aim-and-fire mechanics as Mission 4, with a slight difficulty spike, so nothing worth commenting on.
...That is, until the end boss. We get another one, and this time, it's a giant ship with two different attacks that will ruin your junk and your day! ...At least at first.
The ship has two main attacks: The same missile attack we saw with the Hailfire Droid, and this green laser barrage! This latter attack is unavoidable and will drain a good amount of health from what's probably an already very low bar by this point! And it's the ship's favorite way to damage you! Even with a health bar over halfway full, you're going to end up as airborne as the Star Destroyers on Jakku!
To have ANY chance of destroying this boss, you'll need to open fire on the green laser weapon IMMEDIATELY when the ship appears, then keep your fire on it until it's FINALLY destroyed!
This'll leave the ship with only the missile weapon, and by this point, you're so good at blasting these, you can clear the sky of them while wearing Luke's visor helmet from A New Hope!
Destroy the missile section, and the ship will be helpless, save for the lone missiles it sends out every once in a while. Keep firing at the main body, and you'll eventually send it crashing into the city below! ...Where thousands will likely die. ...That's some good war imagery for this game made for 10-year-olds!
So once you know where to hit it, the boss becomes fairly easy to defeat. ...But ONLY if it holds off on attacking with the green laser barrage for long enough! If it attacks almost solely with that weapon, you're dead. In the rare instance it doesn't, you have a chance. ...Again, this is a mission only winnable based on LUCK!
Did I say you have more control over Monopoly than this game? ...That's not harsh enough. Star Wars Video Slots have a better chance of payout than these levels!
The medal requirement for this level is not to let a single enemy escape. ...Which, considering the layout, how fast the enemies can go, how broken the hit detection is, and how some enemies are put in areas your bullets can't reach, isn't going to happen. ...Trust me. Don't even waste your time...
Mission 9: Eradication is EXACTLY like Mission 3 and its sniper gameplay. ...To the point where I'm not even going to say anything else about it and move on.
The medal here is awarded if you complete the mission with BOTH generators over half health. ...Again, it'll happen the day Jar Jar becomes a respected Jedi master! ...Which, considering he's already been made a general and a senator, maybe isn't too far-fetched...
And that brings us to Mission 10: Return To Your Post, which is very similar to Mission 5. Your service is over, so it's time to return to your base and await further instructions! ...Right after you clear out a few more droid forces and get past the final boss. ...It's a thankless job in the Clone army...
It's just like Mission 5, with the same enemies and everything, and by this point, it's less of a reprieve, and more "Let's just get this junk finished..." The end is in sight, so just shoot everything in your way and be done with it.
At the end, we get one final boss for the console: An Assault Tank backed up by Battle Droids on SAPs that occasionally fly in and shoot at you. All it does is fire unavoidable blasts at you and move from left to right. ...I think the developers were also tired at this point...
There is NO strategy to this fight. Just keep firing at it, and it'll eventually explode. No different forms, no secondary weapons, not even an animation of it breaking apart! It was a static couple of pictures, and it disappeared into an explosion for the climax. ...I'd say I expected more by this point. ...But, I didn't...
Even the medal's lackluster, as you get it simply by completing the level! No secrets, no time limit, no enemy counter, no turning off secondary weapons, just beat the boss, and congrats! ...Though I guess the medals started working again, so that's SOMETHING!
And that's the end! Captain Rex appears to tell you "Mission Accomplished! All Missions Cleared", before the game kicks you back to the Menu. Yes, you have won! Congratulations! You've finally... Taken some general artifacts to another stronghold, picked up and dropped off General Skywalker, then went home? ...What exactly was accomplished, again? ...Seriously, I'd love to know what any of this affected in the grand scheme of things. Did you prevent a dangerous super-weapon from being unleashed on the galaxy decades before the Death Star? Did your actions save a group of Jedi from Count Dooku? Did the Jedi pawn their artifacts to raise money for more Clone Troopers? Did you even win the battle you were a part of?! What did anything you did in this game affect?! ...How about "nothing"? That's what all of this amounted to, and, in the annals of Star Wars history, what happened today will amount to less than the podracing segment from The Phantom Menace.
And that was the Star Wars Clone Trooper Blaster game! Not only was it the first Star Wars light gun game featured here, but the first actual "game", with progression and a story across its ten levels! ...Progression that never goes anywhere and repeats halfway through, and a story stuffed with unnecessary details that make you lose track of where you are and, in the grand scheme of things, is utterly pointless...
Which can also be said about the movie this game shares a name with.
BOTH of them! ...Disney couldn't have saved this franchise from Lucas soon enough...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Design: The design's actually quite good, even if it's a reused shell from another Star Wars toy. It's a large, colorful blaster, with features like wires, grills, and a side ammo pack all adding to its aesthetics and Star Wars: The Clone Wars-like design. Nothing is cumbersome, everything's within reach, and it's pretty easy to tell what everything does. If I had to complain, the battery compartment was hard to find, and when I originally bought this, I thought I was missing a piece or that it was broken. Since the compartment blends so well with the rest of the gun's design, I guess that technically makes it one of the best console designs I've seen, but a small arrow, or some text on the bottom, or something to indicate where to put the batteries would have been nice! Still, it's one of the most attention grabbing consoles I've come across, and if I saw this on the shelves with cords sticking out of the bottom, I'd want to know what it does!
Controls: Since this is a light gun game, I'm mostly judging this category based on how responsive and accurate the console is. For the most part, it's actually quite good, especially for a system that doesn't require calibration, nor use the standard photosensitive or infrared methods other light guns use! It very accurately knows where the gun's pointing, posting a reticle on the screen so you can follow along(as long as you're within 3 feet of the TV.) Most of the shots hit each target's hit box, and, as long as I didn't jerk the console around, the cursor knew where to glide along. However, while the system used here is ingenious, it's also clearly less accurate than the other two methods. Shots are never straight, always shooting around the center of the reticle instead of right through the middle, so even if the enemy is right in your sights, there's a chance each shot could miss! And, as shown earlier, if you're REALLY unlucky, blaster shots can miss the enemy's hit box entirely and pass RIGHT THROUGH them, usually resulting in your immediate death. While it's not as bad during sections where there's heavy automatic blaster fire to replace shots that miss, it gets REALLY noticeable with the sniper sections, where you can only fire one bullet a second, and the flying sections, where shots seem wilder and almost never hit the thin, fast-moving enemies. In terms of the few controls on the console, they all work fine, with the triggers being responsive and the pause button within reach. ...However, did we really need a directional pad used solely to choose directions, when shooting the onscreen arrows would have worked just as well? On the whole, the system works, and much better than you'd think an alternate light gun system would work on a Plug n Play console! ...I just wish they playtested it for EVERY section and ironed out the kinks the system has with some of the levels...
Graphics: The graphics are actually a bit of a mixed bag across the game. Everything definitely looks like Star Wars, particularly the Clone Wars movie/show this game is based on, with realistic models and proportions for the characters, but each painted with bright, cartoony colors and detailing, similarly to the CGI models of the show. For the backgrounds, everything looks pretty good, with city and desert backdrops, wide hangar areas, and giant machinery that all look professionally painted and don't lose much color or detail in their compressed, digitized state. Standing still, the sprites for the enemies also look great, with each type of enemy getting various poses, walk cycles, and scaling depending on the section and what they're doing. My favorite poses are when they pop up right in your face, and you get to see the detail they put into the droids! I guess my major problem in this department is with the jerky, often inconsistent animation. Most of the droids get a whole 5 frames for walking, and because they're not cycled fast enough, the effect is like the droid is floating in midair, pretending to run. They're also not given enough frames for their over-the-top deaths, where they're flung backwards like the Hulk smacked them with an oversized baseball bat, but the jerky 5 frames of animation make them appear to jump, then lie down in midair and fall to the ground. It's even worse in the missions where droids will rush at you headlong, as their six frames of animation don't include an idle position, making it look like they've lifted one leg completely off the ground, then suddenly snapped back to the first frame and mirrored themselves so it's the OTHER leg they're lifting off the ground! With how awkward it looks, it's almost like they're hopping towards you! I'm obviously not asking for theatrical quality animation in this Plug n Play game, but I am asking for a cycle that fits with the small amount of frames in each animation! It's made even worse by the fact some enemies have better animation than others! The Destroyer Droids have an incredible amount of frames dedicated to them rolling onscreen, opening up, deploying shields, and firing weapons(though they cheaped out on their destruction animation)! The Dwarf Spider Droid at the end of Mission 6 even appears to be CGI, with many frames dedicated to every action and movement and a good look at different angles of the robot! ...On the other hand, we have the flying sections and most of the bosses, where each enemy obviously only has 2-3 different frames, lazily bobbing up and down in a "flying" animation like a kid using an editing program for the first time. It's clear that different animation teams worked on different enemies, and some either weren't as skilled as others, or weren't given as much time for their projects. So when the enemies are standing still, they look just fine and you can appreciate the designs and detail of each! ...It's when they move that makes how rushed the game was apparent.
Music & Sound: The ONLY track that plays anywhere in the game is the super watered-down version of the Star Wars theme, and even then, it's only played during the title and menu screens and when you complete the level, leaving the rest of the game almost eerily silent! ...Not that you'd want to continually hear a version of the theme even the Atari 2600 would dub too basic for a soundtrack. The rest of the sound, however, sounds great! We get the usual Star Wars stock sounds of blaster fire, explosions, alarms, and a few other electronic noises that just tug at the nostalgic heartstrings! I usually don't care for stock sound effects, but when they're memorable sounds from a memorable franchise, it's hard not to let them immerse you in the Star Wars universe! We even have voice clips from I'm assuming Captain Rex, who shouts "Get ready to turn those clankers into scrap metal!" at the beginning of most levels, "We're taking heavy fire!" when the player's health bar is low enough, and "All clear, general!" when the mission is complete. Whether it's just the occasional clip, or it's fully voiced dialog, it's ALWAYS nice to get spoken audio in these low-power games! I guess my one major complaint is that we don't get much feedback. There are no sounds for when we hit or destroy a droid, so it's hard to judge if the sporadically-inaccurate blaster rounds hit their targets, or if they've taken the shape of a pear... So music gets a 0, but sound gets a 10. ...Might as well split the difference.
Gameplay: When I first booted up this console, I was excited to finally be playing a Star Wars game with a story and linear progression, which is rare for Plug n Play games in general! ...I was severely let down. Each level takes the basic form of your basic types of shooter game(save for target shooting). You're either stopping to clear out waves of enemies and starting again, infiltrating a base with limited control over which direction to go, sniping droids from afar, riding a rail shooter in the sky, or taking down a boss right in front of you that's blasting you with various projectiles as you're both moving at the exact same speed. Those are the modes that the game gives us, we've seen them in many other shooter games... And this game doesn't do much with them. Most of the game moves slowly and linearly, with few distractions to keep you enveloped in the Star Wars world. No matter what the mode of the level is, you go somewhere, you wipe out a few waves of the same 3 or 4 kinds of enemy, you go somewhere else and do it all over again. You'll have mastered using the gun and grenades by the first level, seen all the powerups and main enemies this game has to offer 3 levels in, and played every mode halfway through the campaign. By the time the levels repeat, all that's left to see are the 3 remaining bosses, and none of them are worth the wait, being too easy and/or bland to care. I wouldn't mind how bland this game is if it was over quickly, but you're suddenly thrown a huge difficulty spike in the last half of the game, with levels like Mission 7 and Mission 8 only winnable through chance! So now you're suddenly stuck playing these levels over and over again, with no changes to enemy layouts and nothing else to discover or experiment with using, and nothing really gained once the game finally decides you can complete the missions! However, despite how repetitive and pointless the levels got, I could have forgiven most of the game's flaws if the story was interesting and they changed things up with appearances of characters and locations from the Star Wars and Clone Wars universes! ...Nope and nope. We never see any NPCs, the locations are too bland to identify as settings from Star Wars, and the story is over simplistic, yet also hard to follow. It basically boils down to "Rescue generic artifacts, take them somewhere else, take General Skywalker somewhere else, go home", yet they try to make an entire briefing for each step, only further confusing you as to where you are, what you're currently doing, and what you need to do. It's not helped by the fact that everything said in the briefing, you never see! The Jedi artifacts never pop up, the Sith never show their faces, even General Skywalker doesn't bother to pop in and say "Hi!" And, once again, WHAT DID ANY OF THIS MEAN?! You're not turning the tides of war, you're not participating in major battles of the series, you're not interacting with anyone of importance, you're not even a central character! You do your job, the game ends. If your job was to deliver a pizza to Yoda at the Jedi Temple, it would have held the same importance and made as much of a splash! I haven't felt this much like my actions throughout the entire game amounted to nil since LA Noire! I could go on, but I'm just ranting at this point. In a nutshell, I appreciate the gameplay they tried to create, and that it wasn't the typical minigame compilation most Plug n Plays give us. ...But, on the whole, with how bland, simplistic, and frustrating this game can be, I think I prefer the minigame compilations...
Replay Value: The game took me about 2 hours to complete, and once you know what you're doing, and the game lets you complete certain levels, a speedrun will probably take only 45 minutes. Except for the sniper missions, none of the levels ever have a different enemy layout, and there are no alternate paths to take or secrets to discover, so you'll have seen everything in your first playthrough. There's not even a High Score table to show off how awesome you are to your friends! The only reason to return to this game is to collect medals. However, if you know what you're after, you can probably get most of them on your first playthrough as well! ...At least the ones you CAN get, as 3 of the medals are impossible to achieve, making the game impossible to 100% complete! Unless you're a young kid who just wants to shoot at droids, this game doesn't have much to come back to.
Overall:
I WANTED to like this game, and to rank it higher than any of the Star Wars games we've seen so far, but it's so BORING! The graphics look fine, the sounds sound fine, and I was initially thrilled to be playing a Plug n Play light gun based on the Star Wars universe, but, at the end of the day, I just felt like I accomplished absolutely nothing! The levels are bland and repeat themselves halfway through, the same enemies are used across 95% of the game, the gameplay boils down to holding the trigger down for nearly the entire playthrough, and nothing is accomplished! When it's not boring, it's frustrating, and it clearly wasn't tested all the way through, with various bugs that make shooting enemies harder and that make earning all medals impossible. Young kids would probably enjoy this game, in the same way they'd enjoy any game that let them shoot down hordes of enemy robots by pointing and firing at the screen, but even they would likely give up before the game's halfway over. If you see this sitting around a thrift store with a $5 price tag, it's probably worth picking up to keep your kids quiet for a few hours. ...But with how many GOOD Star Wars games there are to choose from, including the previous two Star Wars Plug n Plays featured here(at least in comparison to the Clone Trooper Blaster), it might be better to hunt down something of quality that'll last a lot longer. Test this game out as a curiosity if you'd like, otherwise, leave it to be as forgotten as Star Wars Detours. ...You didn't even know that existed until I brought it up, did you?
